At the end of the weekend Lor and I went through a couple of boxes I had in the storage unit outside of the apartment. Then we went through the Accordion of Life. While, I somehow purged my life of useless shit from years, and maybe just this last year. I felt about half way through as if I was the protagonist of a "Hoarders" episode. I found myself saying key sentences i.e. "I don't need this now, but I could use it later on." Yes, I said this with full confidence and a slight unsureness... As if I was seeking gratification I was correct from Lor.
Well, one giant television box filled with crap later. Lor and I made it down to the dumpster and ran into a tenant whom was dumpster diving. I gladly gave him the box of shit and needless to say he took care of it. But, then again, I'll go on record to say I've never had a problem with giving things away. Or losing possessions because I've had to start from scrap so many times. I lost a chunk of my possessions when I was 22 when Zoe and I couldn't pay the storage fee. Then I lost another sizable amount of possessions because either Zoe has a good amount of it in another storage unit. Or, I no longer needed these things and when one comes straight out from bootcamp you find you didn't really need much in the first place. There's kind of a ingrained notion to always be mobile.
Anyway, I went through the Accordion of Life. Which is just basically an Accordion folder. It's huge, and I think it was a pass-me-down from my sister. Anyway, I had put every known important piece of paper into that damn thing. And for about a year it sat in a green tub at Zoe's house in Washington D.C. Then, last year I rolled around to grab my stuff. I didn't go through the Accordion because it should have everything I need. Last weekend I looked into it and found out my Birth Certificate and Born Abroad Certificate is missing. In a panic I called Zoe, she didn't answer. Then I called Zach and told him to start looking everywhere in the house for my papers. The catch, I would pay him $20 if he found it before Zoe. Then Zoe called me and looked in two places she knew it would have been. They weren't in either places.
So, Tuesday morning I called the New York Birth Certificate Library (place) and told them my situation. Apparently, just because my social security number is sponsored from the state doesn't mean it's actually in New York. It's in a whole other Library. So, the young lady told me what website to go to and fill out a PDF and send it with a Notary and Billing Address. Come to find out it's $50 for a Birth Certificate and $62.84 for Shipping and Handling. What kind of highway robbery is this shit!? My birth certificate has literally cost me $112.84 do to loss of record. Holly shit fuck.
If you recall my last post, dealing with shopping fiascos which didn't pave through too well. Guy logic, and stupid hit my head this week. I went Christmas shopping for Lor. Went into a shop which had.... ( I know she reads my blogs) stuff, had stuff in it. I had a wonderful lady named Sonia help me in finding the items which I wanted.
I got home, and because I'm a sucker for even keeping a measly secret from Lor. So I took a bottle of perfume and held it behind my back. Lor is in anticipation of finding out what I got for her. I backed out for a moment and ran to her bathroom. Their I looked in a drawer which had a lot of perfumes and scented stuff. I looked at the bottle in my hand, then looked at the bottles in the drawer. It wasn't the same label!?
First word out of my mouth is, "FUCK!" Lor is in the living room confused. I walk back out and she said, "something wrong?" I gave her from behind my back a bottle of body spray called "Paris" from Bath&Body Works.
"I'm sorry I didn't get the right name. I thought, because it's a pink bottle it would be the same stuff." She began to laugh and assured me it was a great gift to give her and she liked the smell. Then she said,
"Oh, perfume what does it smell like?"
"I didn't smell it." I replied.
"Don't you know they have the little white strips?"
"I didn't see any."
"Honey, they're there. I know they are."
"I didn't want to walk out of the store smelling five perfumes AND smelling like a French Whore."
"So you bought a perfume and didn't smell it!?"
"Yes, because that's what men do."
There's the train of logic and conversation. And I see her point, but I didn't take it into consideration. Her train of though is, 'I'm going to smell every cologne in this store till I find one I want my man to smell like.' Which I'll entertain the thought, personally I never gave two cents into my 'smell' as long as it wasn't fruity. I'm a 'clean guy' kinda smell.... Not over powered musky smell. I'll go on record to say, anything from Old Spice is my personal taste. But normal guys don't have the time or the knowledge about perfumes. I'll top off my shopping endeavor with telling you all I learned a new word which will never be used in my vocabulary. Exfoliate: To open ones pours via removal of dead skin, clean and close back us with a cream stuff... That's my definition and I'm sticking with it. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I like my layers of dead skin, and I'll go on record to say I like Lor's dead layers too.
This last week at work Diddly and I we're jonezing for chinese food. It just so happen a ritzy jive by the name of P.F. Changs is right up the street from both Diddly's and my place. Well, after the work week was done I finally got confirmation from Diddly what time to show up at P.F. Changs. However, his big mistake was allowing me to call in the reservations.
Here's the dialog for setting up the reservations:
"How many?"
"Four, at 8:00," said I.
"Okay, and under who's name?"
"Graves. Like a six foot hole in the ground. But a lot of them."
"That's a good one. Okay, four at 8:00. Is this a special occasion?"
"Yes, this is my friend Diddly's birthday. Can we do something special. Not too crazy, but special?"
"Sure, we could do something."
"Thanks, we'll be there at 8:00."
Come to find out his birthday is in April. We're just a little early. To be honest, I was hoping on having some kind of mariachi band play. However, we're in a Chinese dinner... I know they don't have mariachi, but I was just hoping on something with a Gong would be their.
Well, Jackie arrived at the table first. Diddly dropped her off first before parking the car. Immediately I told her I panicked when they asked if it was for an occasion. I filled her in on all the details and told her to make sure everything was authentic I got Diddly a gift too. She couldn't believe me, then she told Lor and I about the one time Diddly's mom and dad did a birthday mariachi thing. Apparently Diddly walked out of the bistro. Just completely ditching his family because they did a birthday surprise.
Well, surprise Diddly, you're getting an early Chinese birthday extravaganza. However, I told her we got him a present to make the story legit. When Diddly arrived I pointed to him so our waiter would know he's the birthday boy.
Dinner was amazing, I had an Orange Chicken which had a light kick to it. Everyone enjoyed the food. Funny enough I found myself adding hints which Jackie picked up on during dinner. Very subtle things such as, "Yeah Diddly, today IS your DAY." Or my favorite, "There's only ONE Diddly. Believe me, everyone here knows your name too." He never picked it up! Then it came down to deserts. Of course the ladies had picked out the deserts. When Joe the waiter took the orders I double pointed at Diddly, across the table from me and said, "Don't forget." Joe knew what I was talking about. So, a moment later and Joe comes back with two deserts for the ladies. Then he uncovers an Ice Cream cake with a candle on top.
Diddly is confused as fuck! He looks at me, looks at Jackie. Then he looks at Joe, like Joe would have known his birthday. The next thing, he looked at his cell phone and went on Facebook to find out what month he was born. No, April hadn't passed. Yes, it's a little early. No, I didn't think it was going to be this funny. Yes, it was everything I dreamed to embarrass the fuck out of him. To top off the whole thing I pulled out the gift bag of Deja Vu. Which just added the cherry on top for utter confusion on his part. Last but not least, Lor, Jackie and I began singing Happy Birthday to him. Photos we're taken, thanks to my smart and beautiful girlfriend Lor.
While Diddly was still distracted by the Happy Unbirthday shenanigans I created. I comfortably explained his feeling of confusion, and perturb via explaining all the times he shot me with a pallet gun, air soft gun, and the one time he killed one of my sock'n'boppers. Also, I went on record with telling him I can't wait to call reservations for the next double date. Furthermore, this non-existent mariachi band birthday party at such a ritzy dinner was totally worth it.
Well, one giant television box filled with crap later. Lor and I made it down to the dumpster and ran into a tenant whom was dumpster diving. I gladly gave him the box of shit and needless to say he took care of it. But, then again, I'll go on record to say I've never had a problem with giving things away. Or losing possessions because I've had to start from scrap so many times. I lost a chunk of my possessions when I was 22 when Zoe and I couldn't pay the storage fee. Then I lost another sizable amount of possessions because either Zoe has a good amount of it in another storage unit. Or, I no longer needed these things and when one comes straight out from bootcamp you find you didn't really need much in the first place. There's kind of a ingrained notion to always be mobile.
Anyway, I went through the Accordion of Life. Which is just basically an Accordion folder. It's huge, and I think it was a pass-me-down from my sister. Anyway, I had put every known important piece of paper into that damn thing. And for about a year it sat in a green tub at Zoe's house in Washington D.C. Then, last year I rolled around to grab my stuff. I didn't go through the Accordion because it should have everything I need. Last weekend I looked into it and found out my Birth Certificate and Born Abroad Certificate is missing. In a panic I called Zoe, she didn't answer. Then I called Zach and told him to start looking everywhere in the house for my papers. The catch, I would pay him $20 if he found it before Zoe. Then Zoe called me and looked in two places she knew it would have been. They weren't in either places.
So, Tuesday morning I called the New York Birth Certificate Library (place) and told them my situation. Apparently, just because my social security number is sponsored from the state doesn't mean it's actually in New York. It's in a whole other Library. So, the young lady told me what website to go to and fill out a PDF and send it with a Notary and Billing Address. Come to find out it's $50 for a Birth Certificate and $62.84 for Shipping and Handling. What kind of highway robbery is this shit!? My birth certificate has literally cost me $112.84 do to loss of record. Holly shit fuck.
If you recall my last post, dealing with shopping fiascos which didn't pave through too well. Guy logic, and stupid hit my head this week. I went Christmas shopping for Lor. Went into a shop which had.... ( I know she reads my blogs) stuff, had stuff in it. I had a wonderful lady named Sonia help me in finding the items which I wanted.
I got home, and because I'm a sucker for even keeping a measly secret from Lor. So I took a bottle of perfume and held it behind my back. Lor is in anticipation of finding out what I got for her. I backed out for a moment and ran to her bathroom. Their I looked in a drawer which had a lot of perfumes and scented stuff. I looked at the bottle in my hand, then looked at the bottles in the drawer. It wasn't the same label!?
First word out of my mouth is, "FUCK!" Lor is in the living room confused. I walk back out and she said, "something wrong?" I gave her from behind my back a bottle of body spray called "Paris" from Bath&Body Works.
"I'm sorry I didn't get the right name. I thought, because it's a pink bottle it would be the same stuff." She began to laugh and assured me it was a great gift to give her and she liked the smell. Then she said,
"Oh, perfume what does it smell like?"
"I didn't smell it." I replied.
"Don't you know they have the little white strips?"
"I didn't see any."
"Honey, they're there. I know they are."
"I didn't want to walk out of the store smelling five perfumes AND smelling like a French Whore."
"So you bought a perfume and didn't smell it!?"
"Yes, because that's what men do."
There's the train of logic and conversation. And I see her point, but I didn't take it into consideration. Her train of though is, 'I'm going to smell every cologne in this store till I find one I want my man to smell like.' Which I'll entertain the thought, personally I never gave two cents into my 'smell' as long as it wasn't fruity. I'm a 'clean guy' kinda smell.... Not over powered musky smell. I'll go on record to say, anything from Old Spice is my personal taste. But normal guys don't have the time or the knowledge about perfumes. I'll top off my shopping endeavor with telling you all I learned a new word which will never be used in my vocabulary. Exfoliate: To open ones pours via removal of dead skin, clean and close back us with a cream stuff... That's my definition and I'm sticking with it. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I like my layers of dead skin, and I'll go on record to say I like Lor's dead layers too.
This last week at work Diddly and I we're jonezing for chinese food. It just so happen a ritzy jive by the name of P.F. Changs is right up the street from both Diddly's and my place. Well, after the work week was done I finally got confirmation from Diddly what time to show up at P.F. Changs. However, his big mistake was allowing me to call in the reservations.
Here's the dialog for setting up the reservations:
"How many?"
"Four, at 8:00," said I.
"Okay, and under who's name?"
"Graves. Like a six foot hole in the ground. But a lot of them."
"That's a good one. Okay, four at 8:00. Is this a special occasion?"
"Yes, this is my friend Diddly's birthday. Can we do something special. Not too crazy, but special?"
"Sure, we could do something."
"Thanks, we'll be there at 8:00."
Come to find out his birthday is in April. We're just a little early. To be honest, I was hoping on having some kind of mariachi band play. However, we're in a Chinese dinner... I know they don't have mariachi, but I was just hoping on something with a Gong would be their.
Well, Jackie arrived at the table first. Diddly dropped her off first before parking the car. Immediately I told her I panicked when they asked if it was for an occasion. I filled her in on all the details and told her to make sure everything was authentic I got Diddly a gift too. She couldn't believe me, then she told Lor and I about the one time Diddly's mom and dad did a birthday mariachi thing. Apparently Diddly walked out of the bistro. Just completely ditching his family because they did a birthday surprise.
Well, surprise Diddly, you're getting an early Chinese birthday extravaganza. However, I told her we got him a present to make the story legit. When Diddly arrived I pointed to him so our waiter would know he's the birthday boy.
Dinner was amazing, I had an Orange Chicken which had a light kick to it. Everyone enjoyed the food. Funny enough I found myself adding hints which Jackie picked up on during dinner. Very subtle things such as, "Yeah Diddly, today IS your DAY." Or my favorite, "There's only ONE Diddly. Believe me, everyone here knows your name too." He never picked it up! Then it came down to deserts. Of course the ladies had picked out the deserts. When Joe the waiter took the orders I double pointed at Diddly, across the table from me and said, "Don't forget." Joe knew what I was talking about. So, a moment later and Joe comes back with two deserts for the ladies. Then he uncovers an Ice Cream cake with a candle on top.
Diddly is confused as fuck! He looks at me, looks at Jackie. Then he looks at Joe, like Joe would have known his birthday. The next thing, he looked at his cell phone and went on Facebook to find out what month he was born. No, April hadn't passed. Yes, it's a little early. No, I didn't think it was going to be this funny. Yes, it was everything I dreamed to embarrass the fuck out of him. To top off the whole thing I pulled out the gift bag of Deja Vu. Which just added the cherry on top for utter confusion on his part. Last but not least, Lor, Jackie and I began singing Happy Birthday to him. Photos we're taken, thanks to my smart and beautiful girlfriend Lor.
While Diddly was still distracted by the Happy Unbirthday shenanigans I created. I comfortably explained his feeling of confusion, and perturb via explaining all the times he shot me with a pallet gun, air soft gun, and the one time he killed one of my sock'n'boppers. Also, I went on record with telling him I can't wait to call reservations for the next double date. Furthermore, this non-existent mariachi band birthday party at such a ritzy dinner was totally worth it.
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