Running Late and the HULK

Today I ran into a moment with dragging up a short hyperbole of life. It covers a phobia which I have already slightly covered in a prior post.

I was in the third grade and had a rather long day for an eight year old. Early in the morning was about four o'clock to be ready at six... I was in charge of my brother and myself to wake up. However, sometimes Zoe would wake me up just a little early because she too would be awake and helping with making our breakfast, lunch and of course she would watch some morning cartoons. Around eight or nine would be our bed time.
One morning, Zoe must have had a drink... Or two... Point is, she decided to play a prank on myself because at the time; we must understand. The parental unit would know full well when functions at school were happening. Be it a Christmas show, a play, a concert and many other things. I would tell her well before hand when functions at school were happening, however, she would be half an hour to an hour late. It was her mindset the show wouldn't start without her. As a child and even as an adult I learned to be punctual and never late for anything important. Back to Zoe.
She woke me up and said, "Chris, Chris, you're late for school! Wake up!" I jumped out of my bed and scrambled my cloths and began waking up my little brother. Zoe is laughing a little. Then I ran into the bathroom and began cleaning my face, and then ran into the kitchen. No breakfast was made... No lunch. Then I looked at the time. In a split moment of delirium I noticed the time was midnight. However, I couldn't think anything was out of the ordinary. Zoe is now histaricaly laughing. It's not till the moment when Zoe is ridiculously laughing to my expense she told me she purposely woke me up early. I didn't understand for a moment and slowly realizing. I finally began to cry. Needless to say I think at this point my phobia began to manifest. Since then, I've never personally been late for any appointments. Not without exterior reasons causing me to be late i.e. traffic, or worst case scenarios.

Yesterday, being a snow day for my job. Lor still had to go to work. So, I set my alarm and went to her place to clean off her car and get her ready for work. Ya'know, breakfast, and handle some of her house chores while she's at work. While I have breakfast rolling, and I'm bundled up trying to scrape off whatever amount of snow and ice was on the car. The windows were good to go, then I got to the driver door. I scrapped off what little ice was on the seem of the door. Then I began to open the door. Pressure, counter pressure, the works. Just to try and open the door without setting off the alarm. Well, a couple of yanks on the door and the door handle came right off!

First thing, I was shocked on just the idea I pulled off a fucking door handle.

Second, I shat my paints trying to come up with some way to tell Lor I fucked up her door. 

I walked into the apartment and said in an hesitant voice, "Lor, I don't be upset." She said, "What happened, lover?" I hold up the small pathetic plastic of a door handle and said, "I broke your car." Lor began to laugh a little. I was still unsure weather or not this would escalate. Ya'know those weird moments of someone laughing at you and you don't know if that's the same way to respond. Well, this was one of those moments. The only thing I had left to say, "I didn't know I went Incredible Hulk on your car!?"
Well, a quick phone call to her boss and then to the repair guy. In a flash we both were able to drive her car and my truck to the mechanic and drop her car off. After, I took Lor to her job.
The next morning I woke up to a ten o'clock phone from the mechanic telling me they fixed the car. Another ring fifteen past I got a phone from the bank about my new checking card. Two hours later, my actual alarm went off. Around one I was dressed and ready for work and to get Lor's car. Picked her up and rushed down the block for her car. When we got into the shop, the mechanic said,
"Well, Mr. G. the car is fixed and next time. Never go full retard."

Added to the beginning to all of this, I also broke Lor's travel cup she used for work. Then that same evening broke a drinking picture which fell from the top of the refrigerator. Furthermore, I broke a dresser Lor replaced for me when it broke after moving into my new apartment... In case you all didn't know, I'm the Hulk. 

Plagued Phone Call

Today I'd like to talk about a phone number which has plagued my life for the last three years. It's a "local" phone number from Washington state. I've been living in Virginia State for two years! By the way, it's not that I haven't told this person, people, whoever; they have the wrong number but it started like this.

Florida, Pensacola I was on a friends boat and got drunk... Then I 'accidentally' threw my phone which was in my swimming trunks into the Gulf of Mexico. After realizing my pimp phone (also known as the Blackberry Torch) was water damaged I used a crack phone (go phone) with the same sim card. So, AT&T didn't know I fucked up my epic phone and I only had to pocket out $50 for the accident. This is when the phone calls began.

First off it's was a 360 number which I thought was my family. They live in Washington. I figured it was a new number, they were just updating my contacts. NOPE! A woman's voice I've never heard is on the line, "Heeelo, is this Neko?"
... I'm not a smart cookie, however I know from my linguistics class Neko meant the word Cat in Japanese. DING! I have an idea of the persons culture. However what really got me wondering, 'who the fuck is named Cat!?' I mean legitamently named Cat. In Japanese Cat means Cat. It's not short for Katherine or anything... They don't do it like us English folk....
Well like a normal sensible human being I told the person they had the wrong number. And I wished them a good day. I hung up. Three months later, I got a phone call from the same person asking for Neko again. Sorry, you got the wrong number.
A year later and I'm back in the states after my first tour and I get another phone call. Different person asking for the same name, Neko.... WHO IS NEKO!? Again, told them it was the wrong number... Hung up and then again some time later got another phone call. And you (the reader) must be wondering why I haven't put this number on block. I actually don't know how to block a phone number. Though I'm bitching about this caller. You have to understand, the call happens once in a great while. And I'm not phone savvy enough to operate my iPhone.

Fallon, Nevada and I get the phone call. However at this point I've taken the liberty to save the phone number as my contacts. And aptly named the contact Do Not Answer. Well, Neko calls and I hand the phone to Chief. He answers the phone and puts it on speaker phone. 

"Hey, is Neko there?"

"No, who are you?" Says Chief

"I'm Hachioji." I'm thinking, shit at least we finally got a name.... Phew...

"Where are you?" Asked Chief, I'm at this point questioning his tactic. 

"I don't know, where are you?"

"I'm at the Banque. Where are you?" 

"I'm not there but I will in 30 minutes."

"Okay see you then." Said Chief. He hangs up and they hadn't called till about late November.

At this point I still have the damn phone number in my contacts and have it listed as "Do Not Answer/ Neko." And I still to this damn day answer it ONCE in a great while to see who's on the other side of the phone. In essence I'll go on record to say it's a plagued phone number which adds a slight spice into my life. I never phone this phone number before and I seriously don't know who the fuck it is. However, I'll go on record to say, if it's a phone number which I actually DO know the person on the other side and this has been a prank. Good show, good show... We've unknowingly kept a good prank going between the both of us. 

Poetry and a Short.

FISH STICK
You're a fucking dick.
You at my fish stick!
I really wanted that fish stick, you douche!

- Okay, weird haiku... Again, not a writer... Time for a story.

Bill the Toad
Once upon a time there was a happy toad named Bill.
Bill had heard a weird noise and hopped across his tank to investigate.
Turned out it was his man slave making coffee early in the morning.
Bill was hungry too and found a cricket named Nick.
"Morning Bill." Said Nick.
Then suddenly Bill ate Nick and hopped away.
And the moral to the story; Coffee is awesome first thing in the morning.
The End.

Christmas in V.A.

What I've found out in the past month is the fact someone can have 22 friends (and growing) related to you on Facebook. What kick starts me a little is when I know I don't like a person. They probably don't like me either and neither of us have sent a friend request to either one of us. However Mark Z. REALLY wants us to friend each other. Instead I found in conclusion it's like saying Fuck You from afar without really saying it. The best part is when it's co-workers or people who've worked with me in the past... Etc. Talk about using the most epic passive aggressive technic.

So I went on a fishing trip once again. My second one this year. Low and behold like clockwork some of the guys get really aggravated easily. I attribute it to them not getting laid. Me on the other hand have to deal with paperwork, paperwork and more paperwork. However it wasn't but three weeks in and I ran my head into a door jam and caused myself to have three staples in my head. I'm kinda getting ahead of myself though... 

There's this new guy at work we've named Junior. We nicknamed him Junior for two reasons. First, he's all of 18 years old and second he kinda looks like RayRay. So, it kinda fits him to be Junior. Well, third week in and I gave him the holly gouge Jaz and I wrote within the past two years and told him to always use it. Well, like a new trained pup, first thing he did when he didn't know how to do anything he went right for his gouge book! I was seated by the door and because I got excited over training him I jumped right into the door jam. Everyone heard a huge bang. I didn't put anything past the knock to the head till Mr. Star noticed I was bleeding. After realizing this I was quickly seated and had paper towels on my head. Then it was a short walk down to medical. Four flights later I thought it would be hilarious to make a joke. So I walk in and said, "Is it 1942!?" Not a lot of the younger guys knew what I was eluding to... However for those who could guess, yes it was December 7th. Well, that joke was about as funny as an abortion joke.

Two Corpsman tended to my dumb ass moment. Immediately they began to shave my head and then this kid all of 19 years old asked, "stitches or staples?" Knowing staples would have been quicker I said, "Staples for 500, Alex." No more than 5 minutes this kid grabs both sides of flesh to the wound, holding a staple gun in the other hand he said to me, "You're the third person I've ever stapled!" Me in all my sarcasm said, "Oh lucky me..." Not! He clipped my head three times. Needless to say, Chief showed up to medical and first thing he said, "What the fuck, you ran into a door jam!?"

A week later the staples came out. However, I had a week of staple jokes. Example being RayRay said, "I left you and Junior in the office; I come back to you with staples in your head!? It's like coming home to your children burning down the house!" Ian on the other hand took foam and taped it in the exact spot I slammed my head. Har-har-har, hilarious.  

I've been home for the most part and have spent everyday with Lor. If not every moment I can. However, I was gone for half the month I had some serious Xmas shopping to do. But essentially after 3 days I finally figured it out. 
Our Anniversary, the 22nd, was spent going to the movies and watching a new Disney movie Frozen. Before I had Lor open a book I made which has 22 pages of pictures and simple affirmations. i.e. "I love how much Lor is accomplished in life." The book also had little stick figures too. ^_^ My M.S. Paint skills are AWESOME and totally paid off, thanks mom and dad. Let me just say, Disney finally did a cartoon which wasn't to cheese and didn't have any ridiculous sappy moments. For me it felt like a return to form for what would be considered a classical Disney movie with the animation of today. Thank God. Lor and I saw the movie in 3D and I wouldn't imagine the movie to have the same visual effect in 2D. In short, very pleased with this movie.
The next day was Lor's birthday! (Side conversation) Yes, I asked to court her the day before her birthday... What was I thinking!? Oh, I don't know, something to the effect of: "Amazing woman, very funny, and easy on my eyes." (Back to our scheduled blog) Well, our friend Bruce came over and kidnapped her while I went ape shit on decorating the house. I went to the party store and saw Hello Kitty next to Barbie and decided her theme was going to be Hello EVERYTHING! Meanwhile, I had gotten ahold of Jess and she got me a recipe for a Vegan Carrot Cake. For the most part because I've never made a scratch cake, I went through two batches which didn't turn out at all. First reason, I put 1/4 cup of baking powder into the mix. The second batch didn't survive because I fucked up the amount of apple sauce. By the time I got to the third batch I didn't measure anything.... Low and behold it turned out. However I should have crushed the walnuts a lot more than just half. How was I to know??? 

Xmas! The night prior I had to work from 8pm to 8am. So I got home and Lor woke up. This pretty much meant Xmas was a go! She opened up all her presents and received a Mandolin, a complete bed set, bath and body work stuff, a 30 min Meal Cook Book and a Pandora necklace. Myself, I got a signed autograph of Elvira Mistress of the Dark and an amazing instrument not a lot of people know called a Theremin. Along with many other gifts as well...

This new year Lor told me she wanted to do a month of eating Vegetarian. Which we both began very eager to start. First meal was a Zucchini Keesh which was a beautiful a fun recipe to make. The following day was a Vegetarian Lasagna, not only slightly difficult but a bother to make and wasn't as satisfying. Probably because of the lack of feeling like I actually ate a lasagna. I know there's many different variations of a recipe. And it may take some time to figure it all out. However, it's fun to figure out what new foods or combinations of food tastes good and what doesn't satisfy.

I guess at this point I should feel inclined to reflect on the positive and negatives of last year.... However, I'll go on to point out this year for 2014 I began with realizing how engulfed I am in Lor's life. And I also created a new friend named Lill Salt. I couldn't be more happier.