Nosferatu (Symphony of the Dark) Preview

Due to Loss of Records....

At the end of the weekend Lor and I went through a couple of boxes I had in the storage unit outside of the apartment. Then we went through the Accordion of Life. While, I somehow purged my life of useless shit from years, and maybe just this last year. I felt about half way through as if I was the protagonist of a "Hoarders" episode. I found myself saying key sentences i.e. "I don't need this now, but I could use it later on." Yes, I said this with full confidence and a slight unsureness... As if I was seeking gratification I was correct from Lor.
Well, one giant television box filled with crap later. Lor and I made it down to the dumpster and ran into a tenant whom was dumpster diving. I gladly gave him the box of shit and needless to say he took care of it. But, then again, I'll go on record to say I've never had a problem with giving things away. Or losing possessions because I've had to start from scrap so many times. I lost a chunk of my possessions when I was 22 when Zoe and I couldn't pay the storage fee. Then I lost another sizable amount of possessions because either Zoe has a good amount of it in another storage unit. Or, I no longer needed these things and when one comes straight out from bootcamp you find you didn't really need much in the first place. There's kind of a ingrained notion to always be mobile.
Anyway, I went through the Accordion of Life. Which is just basically an Accordion folder. It's huge, and I think it was a pass-me-down from my sister. Anyway, I had put every known important piece of paper into that damn thing. And for about a year it sat in a green tub at Zoe's house in Washington D.C. Then, last year I rolled around to grab my stuff. I didn't go through the Accordion because it should have everything I need. Last weekend I looked into it and found out my Birth Certificate and Born Abroad Certificate is missing. In a panic I called Zoe, she didn't answer. Then I called Zach and told him to start looking everywhere in the house for my papers. The catch, I would pay him $20 if he found it before Zoe. Then Zoe called me and looked in two places she knew it would have been. They weren't in either places.
So, Tuesday morning I called the New York Birth Certificate Library (place) and told them my situation. Apparently, just because my social security number is sponsored from the state doesn't mean it's actually in New York. It's in a whole other Library. So, the young lady told me what website to go to and fill out a PDF and send it with a Notary and Billing Address. Come to find out it's $50 for a Birth Certificate and $62.84 for Shipping and Handling. What kind of highway robbery is this shit!? My birth certificate has literally cost me $112.84 do to loss of record. Holly shit fuck.

If you recall my last post, dealing with shopping fiascos which didn't pave through too well. Guy logic, and stupid hit my head this week. I went Christmas shopping for Lor. Went into a shop which had.... ( I know she reads my blogs) stuff, had stuff in it. I had a wonderful lady named Sonia help me in finding the items which I wanted.
I got home, and because I'm a sucker for even keeping a measly secret from Lor. So I took a bottle of perfume and held it behind my back. Lor is in anticipation of finding out what I got for her. I backed out for a moment and ran to her bathroom. Their I looked in a drawer which had a lot of perfumes and scented stuff. I looked at the bottle in my hand, then looked at the bottles in the drawer. It wasn't the same label!?
First word out of my mouth is, "FUCK!" Lor is in the living room confused. I walk back out and she said, "something wrong?" I gave her from behind my back a bottle of body spray called "Paris" from Bath&Body Works.
"I'm sorry I didn't get the right name. I thought, because it's a pink bottle it would be the same stuff." She began to laugh and assured me it was a great gift to give her and she liked the smell. Then she said,
"Oh, perfume what does it smell like?"
"I didn't smell it." I replied.
"Don't you know they have the little white strips?"
"I didn't see any."
"Honey, they're there. I know they are."
"I didn't want to walk out of the store smelling five perfumes AND smelling like a French Whore."
"So you bought a perfume and didn't smell it!?"
"Yes, because that's what men do."
There's the train of logic and conversation. And I see her point, but I didn't take it into consideration. Her train of though is, 'I'm going to smell every cologne in this store till I find one I want my man to smell like.' Which I'll entertain the thought, personally I never gave two cents into my 'smell' as long as it wasn't fruity. I'm a 'clean guy' kinda smell.... Not over powered musky smell. I'll go on record to say, anything from Old Spice is my personal taste. But normal guys don't have the time or the knowledge about perfumes. I'll top off my shopping endeavor with telling you all I learned a new word which will never be used in my vocabulary. Exfoliate: To open ones pours via removal of dead skin, clean and close back us with a cream stuff... That's my definition and I'm sticking with it. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I like my layers of dead skin, and I'll go on record to say I like Lor's dead layers too.

This last week at work Diddly and I we're jonezing for chinese food. It just so happen a ritzy jive by the name of P.F. Changs is right up the street from both Diddly's and my place. Well, after the work week was done I finally got confirmation from Diddly what time to show up at P.F. Changs. However, his big mistake was allowing me to call in the reservations.
Here's the dialog for setting up the reservations:
"How many?"
"Four, at 8:00," said I.
"Okay, and under who's name?"
"Graves. Like a six foot hole in the ground. But a lot of them."
"That's a good one. Okay, four at 8:00. Is this a special occasion?"
"Yes, this is my friend Diddly's birthday. Can we do something special. Not too crazy, but special?"
"Sure, we could do something."
"Thanks, we'll be there at 8:00."
Come to find out his birthday is in April. We're just a little early. To be honest, I was hoping on having some kind of mariachi band play. However, we're in a Chinese dinner... I know they don't have mariachi, but I was just hoping on something with a Gong would be their.
Well, Jackie arrived at the table first. Diddly dropped her off first before parking the car. Immediately I told her I panicked when they asked if it was for an occasion. I filled her in on all the details and told her to make sure everything was authentic I got Diddly a gift too. She couldn't believe me, then she told Lor and I about the one time Diddly's mom and dad did a birthday mariachi thing. Apparently Diddly walked out of the bistro. Just completely ditching his family because they did a birthday surprise.
Well, surprise Diddly, you're getting an early Chinese birthday extravaganza. However, I told her we got him a present to make the story legit. When Diddly arrived I pointed to him so our waiter would know he's the birthday boy.
Dinner was amazing, I had an Orange Chicken which had a light kick to it. Everyone enjoyed the food. Funny enough I found myself adding hints which Jackie picked up on during dinner. Very subtle things such as, "Yeah Diddly, today IS your DAY." Or my favorite, "There's only ONE Diddly. Believe me, everyone here knows your name too." He never picked it up! Then it came down to deserts. Of course the ladies had picked out the deserts. When Joe the waiter took the orders I double pointed at Diddly, across the table from me and said, "Don't forget." Joe knew what I was talking about. So, a moment later and Joe comes back with two deserts for the ladies. Then he uncovers an Ice Cream cake with a candle on top.
Diddly is confused as fuck! He looks at me, looks at Jackie. Then he looks at Joe, like Joe would have known his birthday. The next thing, he looked at his cell phone and went on Facebook to find out what month he was born. No, April hadn't passed. Yes, it's a little early. No, I didn't think it was going to be this funny. Yes, it was everything I dreamed to embarrass the fuck out of him. To top off the whole thing I pulled out the gift bag of Deja Vu. Which just added the cherry on top for utter confusion on his part. Last but not least, Lor, Jackie and I began singing Happy Birthday to him. Photos we're taken, thanks to my smart and beautiful girlfriend Lor.
While Diddly was still distracted by the Happy Unbirthday shenanigans I created. I comfortably explained his feeling of confusion, and perturb via explaining all the times he shot me with a pallet gun, air soft gun, and the one time he killed one of my sock'n'boppers. Also, I went on record with telling him I can't wait to call reservations for the next double date. Furthermore, this non-existent mariachi band birthday party at such a ritzy dinner was totally worth it.

The Guy Logic

Here's my train of thought when shopping at the store. See, I was in a family where the first and 15th of the month was payday. Most of the time all the shopping of the month was done on the first. And with that said, it took hours because everyone in a military family did the same exact thing. Three shopping karts later and I'm looking at Dad thinking, 'I'm 16 and got shit to do...' Shit, implying ditching school work. Hanging out with Travis, Jordan or Melissa and or, the girlfriend at the time. (sing-songy) May her soul rest in peace (sing-songy).
Last week Lor asked me to shop while she took a quick nap at home. Me, being a typical dude who hasn't been home in a long while figured on the standards of shopping which would be quick, easy and cost efficient. First, was the produce... Grabbed a bunch of banana's and called it a day. Next was bread, but I knew Lor had just gotten a loaf... Next was the meat department. All the Beef, Chicken, Pork and Steak as far as the eye can see. Needless to say my train of thought was as follows:
"Well, I like hamburgers. We could do some beef in the freezer."
"Oh, Chicken boobs! White Chicken Chili in the future."
"Pork?! I think we still have some from a couple of months back. PASS!"
"Brats! Everyone loves BRATS!"
As you can see... Everything in my head said, meat, MEat, MEAT! I was obviously in need of some protein in my life. Then I saw the cheese section and got Lor a couple packets of shredded cheese. Then I saw the yogurts, OJ and Milk. Got some eggs, and finally got some cheese spread.
Got home and put the food away. Lor woke up some time later to find meat, MEat, and MEAT! Backed up with more cheese than I think she can handle. I didn't remember she already had a plethora. However, I took home the bronze metal gentlemen, because I found extra Cheese EXPLOSION Mac'n'Cheese which was cheeper than the easy-mac. Why bronze, you may ask? Because the noodles are the twisty type, not the elbow kind. Lor doesn't prefer twisty noodles.
Next night, after work I hit the store once more and finally found.... This time... Soups which Lor and I enjoy. Beagles. And finally, the right kind of Mac'n'Cheese. So, FYI ladies, a honey-do list goes a long way because honestly... Us guys have no idea what we're doing in life.

Nothing to do with Guy Logic, but this week I had to fire a gun yet again. To debacle my beliefs on guns; I will go on record to say I think they are a useful tool provided they are in the hands of capable individuals. With this said, I have as well a terrible backstory I've had to conquer over the past seven years which dealt with a gun as well. It's not easy and the first squeeze of the trigger is always the hardest for me. I'm shaking uncontrollably before, during and certainly after the evolution of firing a gun. And the sad part is I do feel alone. I feel like I'm the only one who's lost a loved one to a gun and is in the military. Which can't be 'true,' I'm sure there's plenty of people in my demographic. I wonder because of my nonchalant demeanor to my fathers passing if it turns people away whom haven't gotten to that particular place of yes. The place of yes I would like to get to is being able to pull a trigger.

The terra firma I found was breathing. However the counterpoint is the fact for these quals you have 10 seconds with 4 rounds. Not a lot of time, with not a lot of bullets. It's the trigger which gets me. So, the breathing and all that is suppose to come into play, but I go into tight, short breaths. Which doesn't equate to a good shot.

Well, they listed the point system and the bare minimum is 180. That was my bench, and I brought home 181. So it's not a 200 or anything extraordinary. Fuck that shit. 

Overall what a busy weekend for a three day weekend. I hope to just cram all my to dos into one and a half days and call it a weekend. For the most part though I think the only "Driving" involved is to the pet store and then to the dealership for a hot second. Other then that it should be an easy weekend.
I got a few dollars off at the pet store because my pet toad Bill needed a new cage. He's been in his tank for about a month now. I went with a simple 5.5 gal tank and gave him a simple update to his surroundings. He's got a pond to hide in and crickets to fill his tummy with. It's kinda funny to see a toad express his happiness with little hops. I know, call my psychotic now. Never mind the three weasels and 16 pound rabbit.
At the dealership I showed up and the detailer wasn't there. An hour later I showed up and sat in the waiting room for two hours. Two long, entertaining hours of watching my favorite show.... People in Real Life. It's my own special brand of reality TV where I sit in a lounge and watch the human psych at it's best. Point and case:
A guy passed the fuck out twice while waiting on his car. Eventually the serviceman tried to wake him up and eventually gave up. Putting the paper and car key on his lap and walked the fuck away. I began to laugh and realized everyone would think I was the weird one. Instead, I instantly took a photo and walked outside texting Zoe.
The last point I'd like to make; how the fuck did it take two hours to clean a truck!? It couldn't have been THAT bad. (Looks away for a moment) The feeling I've gotten from Virginian's is the fact everyone has to expedite. However, it's come to my observation the reciprocation isn't likewise. 

I don't recall when, where and how it happened. At some point in my life I began to think, "why make multiple trips for groceries from the car, when I can do it in one!" I believe the sad part comes in when I know I can't feasibly pull off one trip. Stubborn as I am though, I make that shit work. By the way it's not an option to ask if the lady of the house can help bring in groceries. That's not going to happen. It's not that I have any reason Lor can't bring in the food from the car. I just don't think it's chivalrous. I'm the man in the relationship, I bring in the shopping sprees. She gets to be the concurring lady who walks in and watches her man bring the goods in and put them away for her. I think there's only been a couple of times though when Lor has asked if she can help. I gave her the eggs and bread while I handled everything else. That's the level I'm at people. It's the extent of woman helping me out with bringing in groceries which I think wont ever, ever change.

Finally, before I close out yet again another post. I would like to show you all a project I've been working. It's a silent film called Nosferatu. I became mesmerized by the simplicity of the movie when I was teen. And when I was a young adult I wanted to write music for the film and now I have the opportunity. I've been working on the film in two aspects which I think hasn't been done yet. It's sonically driven soundtrack. There's some other surprises which I think will totally reshape the movie in a different light than what most silent film spectators will find fascinating. However, it's a challenge like anything and so far I'm 30 mins into the movie and puts me about half way in. Here's a three min snip of a few scenes and songs which will best describe my vision.
(Look at more recent blog post with embeded link)

Luck of the German.

Little known fact, I've been smoking since I was practically a kid. Thanks to Grandpa who would smoke a pack a day with no vent except for an occasional door opening and closing. For confessional reasons (another night of honesty) I'll go on record to say I would steal a pack once in a great while in middle and what little part of high school I did in that town.

Well about a year ago I stopped smoking and I find every time I wind up in Fallon, Nevada I get driven to a pack of Malboro 100's. I seriously don't like it as much as I thought I did but it helps calm the nerves. I'll go on record to say as a kid I thought it was cool to smoke because it was taboo to be young and smoke. Now I'm over it and could care less. However, most things in life it do come back to haunt me sometimes. 

Well to sum up my weekends it has to be explained in two acts. Here's act 1.

Took my car in to the auto-body shop after trying to help Diddly out with finding a Halloween costume. I went on the highway for five mins and I heard an annoying arrhythmic sound from the car. So, the next day I took in the car to the auto body shop I've made good customer service to and they finally put a nail in the coffin. It's literally a car I will spend more on than the car is worth. Internal Engine Failure. Three words a car owner does not, NOT want to hear. So, in back on the market for a car. This time I'm doing dealership and getting a truck. I'm done with cars! The week following I drove the car to the bitter end and it survived till I got a new vehicle. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Act 2.
Lor and I went to the fall company pick nick. Which meant we had to bring her pet rabbit (Bentley) along. While there, all the gun slinging co-workers saw the rabbit as dinner. Provided he is a 16 lbs none the less. After awards were given out, we duced the fuck out. Shortly after we went to PetCo for a  Halloween costume competition. Over all, we took 2nd place. We lost to a dog with a genetic disorder which made it a miniature, mini... AKA, a Dwarf Dog. Well, with pity points going to the dwarf dog, Lor took the second place with pride. When she left to show off Bentley to the associates and other pet owners. One of the judges walked up to me and said, "You were suppose to win." THANK YOU! We all knew this, and it made us feel better when we got home after a quick drive. After everything was said and done, we did a quick photo shoot outside of the house with Bentley in his bumble bee costume.
(The Next weekend)
After a week of hunting for the price range and what type of car I was interested in. Chief, his wife, Lor and I went to the auto dealer. After explaining what type of car I wanted, price and I wasn't being waffly about what I wanted... There were needs to be met. The funny thing about car dealers is how I know they're people too, but once they get to know you. Or you feel like they know you so well. That's when they get ya to buying a car over priced, and not what you wanted. Because they'll play the "friend card." 

Provided I've never had a car which had power Anything. I still have a car which has crank windows. Whatever, judge me now, but the first car the dealership whom shall be unnamed showed me. Was some kind of souped up Nissan which was self-painted, looked like someone took a paint pen and tried to stencil the word Nissan. Sad part, Chief and I thought it was a guy with MS. The paint was chipping, the doors were coming undone and and it was a crank door which is now a power window door. HUGE red flag because once someone gets to splicing wires and pulling power from somewhere; you may experience technical difficulties.

The next car, seemed nice. But, it had galvanic corrosion like a mother fucker. I looked at Chief and we said pass! Meanwhile Lor was with us and she and I texted about the dealers tactics of selling the cars on the lot. She was noting a few ways he could have done better and she was probably taking cues to apply to at her job. Meanwhile, she was also telling me how I could be a better customer. So it went both ways overall.

Well, truck number three. A white Ford F-150 8 foot long bed. New wheels, new battery, and most recent inspection. I looked into the cab and there was a used red bull can, and a bag of Reese's pieces. Also, it had 32 cents in the cab drawer. I looked underneath and found no corrosion, lifted the hood and the same could be said. Then the test drive and drove a good exit down the highway, went in a neighborhood and just drove it. Then the next day after Chief bargained the price, I took the truck (this time clean) into a friends mechanic shop. After three hours, Eric said it was a good truck. Unlike the last time I bought a car, I didn't have a mechanic look at it. So, I feel I took the proper steps this time. I will go on record to say, you should always have a mechanic look at a car before you purchase. Make friends with a mom&pops shop. Also, feel comfortable with their knowledge. Because a smart individual whom has a trade in a high-end investment is always a plus.

Needless to say, I bought the truck. And I'm happier with not driving in a death trap. Further more after a couple of hours of ownership I explained to Lor why every car has a name. It's A. a tradition I've had in my family. For example, Dad had three trucks I can remember. The first was Beast. Then he had Black Beauty. And his last truck to own was Big Blue. The three cars I've personally owned have been named Tsunami (it was a wave of V8 which was going to get ya). The second was the most recent and not missed Jinx (a problem child from the get-go). My new truck is named White Zombie. Photos will explain in the future. I'm just glad things are slightly getting back in order. 

Halloween Traditions

Hi! So, it's my last weekend here in Fallon, mother-fucking boring as fuck Nevada and I figured on telling you all in preparations of Halloween. Here's some traditions myself and my family had always done. Some of them may be typical, others my be a little different. But that's okay, because it's just a Holliday.

1. I remember back when I was a kid, my parents house use to be cobwebs, and spiders and hanging skeletons in the trees. These days, I make shift either the whole house or a specific room into hanging body parts, blood on the mirrors, decals on windows, festive tape, and other cool stuff. It's like when Christmas rolls around and we bust out the garland, the tree, snow flake cut outs and little baby Jesus in a nativity scene. Practically the same concept in my house hold and yes, it goes kid friendly to gore when you get to the bathroom.

2. As and adult now I feel my childhood was cheated. I'm sure other adults will agree with me. There's something a little more fun about going to an actual Pumpkin Patch and 'hunting' for YOUR PUMPKIN. Unlike Wal-Mart, you get this choice of pumpkins by what they provide. Good luck! No, I don't think so. I like the adventure, and 'hunt' of a pumpkin in the fields. There's a kind of magic involved with finding your new pumpkin for the year. Unlike rummaging through a big box at the local store. Personally I've found white pumpkins, orange pumpkins, long pumpkins and thin pumpkins. Yes, I've taken them all home too. Point is, I like going to a pumpkin patch.

I made a Jack O'Lantern.

3. Carving Pumpkins and Roasting Pumpkin Seeds have been a staple to my life. The fun part about being a kid and adult is feeling the inner guts of the pumpkin while prepping for a good carving. And if you're fortunate with one person not enjoying pulling out the guts, the other can just simply rinse off the seeds and begin prepping them for a nice bake in the oven. Later, you both can wait on the seeds and start planing on the face of a Jack-o-Lantern. Which has an awesome tradition as well.
Back in the good old Irish days there use to be a prankster by the name of Jack. He had tricked the Devil twice before he died. However in Irish tradition when the Devil and God do not want you, you're stuck in a fog world and can only use a burning sulfur rock as a light. Well, he eventually found a guard and began carving a face on it and placed his sulfur rock in it. This became known as a Jack O'Lantern.
Granted my parents never told me this story when I was a kid. Knowing it now, I've told it to my two nephews and my niece. It's a cool Halloween story, there's nothing creepy about it. It's about as traditional as the Three Wise Men and the Drummer Boy.
Though this pretty much goes in a separate category but Candy Apples,  and all the foods you can manipulate to look gorse as hell! LOVE IT! Last year Zoe made a 'Kitty Litter Cake' topped off with tootsie rolls shaped like little shits and a sterilized poop scoop.

4. Horror Flicks have been a staple to Halloween like "A Christmas Story" is to Christmas. Point here, there's nothing more fun than being over visually stimulated and then getting scared by Freddy, Jason, Michael and many other boogiemen who've become staples in American Horror.

5. I remember one time being threatened to not go Trick Or Treating because I was acting up as a kid. Which of course made me change my tune a little. But it felt like I was given the ultimatum of Santa not stopping by my house on Christmas! Anyway, there's nothing like being dressed up as anything you want and going door to door getting candy. If I remember from tradition, people believed spirits would walk the earth and haunt the streets. Personally, what's better than bribing kids to scare the spirits away and rewarding with a sugar high? Provided, saying 'Trick or Treat' use to mean something. Literally, give me a treat or I'll trick you person holding out on my candy. I really don't know of anyone who's really played a trick on anyone on Halloween on a basis of candy. But I can only guess it use to happen and now it's just tongue and cheek.

Halloween a couple of years back. All the kids ganged up on me!

Now, as an adult I get two parts to this tradition. One, my nephew JJ, I would walk him all over the neighborhood and come back with a pillow sack of candy. I'd take 10% from the hoard. The best part, I got to dress up too! So, I felt like a kid even at the age of 20. The other side being the part where I'm still dressed up and at home answering the door for Trick Or Treaters. I've seen some cool costumes and .... some very 'interesting' ones too... And personally, I like to play favorites when handing out my candy. Personally dressing up as Kurt Cobain's Ghost doesn't 'surprise' me.

My Halloween Movie List.

Curse of Chucky: A preview of this movie and you'll notice its a return to form for the killer doll. Nothing says kick ass movie like a movie which will not only progress the story line of Chucky. But also reach back to the classic "Child's Play."

Dracula: This movie is a classic of our generation and does justice of melding Bella Ligasi's and the Germanic Nosferatu together into a love child of epic horror. Though the only throw back is the God awful acting of Keanu Reeves. His attempt of a English roll gets in the way of the seriousness to the movie. For a lead role as Harker, it felt like everyone else was having to make up for his lack of easily conveying an Englishman. Overall, the movie is a fine piece of art. 

Friday the 13th: ah the classic which set up the astronomical franchise. Again, a classic and epic movie with a twist ending. 

Halloween: The movie which defines the boogieman. Well at least for the first two movies. The third had NOTHING to do with Mike Myers. Anyway, it's a classic flick. 

Hocus Pocus: Who would have thought I knew ONE Bette Midler movie!? Anyway, childhood classic with a few jump scares which children will love. Also it's maybe the only Jessica Parker movie where she doesn't say much and (for once) looks hot. 

A Nightmare on Elm Street: This was the first Halloween movie I've ever seen. It's a good away to start too. But once you start dabbling into part two and three.  You'll start to notice the only legit movie is the first and Freddy Vs. Jason. A Nightmare on Elm Street 2 is a sad sequel of teenage angst... The only uncomfortable scene is probably when the Gym teacher is stripped in the shower room and ass whipped by Freddy. Never seeing this movie before, I could only imagine where it was going to go and God help me if it turned into a Gay innuendo, however it turns and slices and dices the mother fucker up. P.S. I have a fear of public showers. THANKS I.T.!!! Oh, final thought: The second movie is hilarious because the main lead screams (not yells, like normal dudes) like a little bitch throughout the whole movie. So, the movie gets props fore breaking up the seriousness of it being a horror flick by this wannabe tween screaming every 15 mins.

Sleepy Hollow: When you get Tim Burton behind the twisted story of a headless horseman. It's bound to curdle your blood. Another staple to American Horror. 

The Exorcist: Another classic which has produced a shit load of other "Exorcist" movies. I.e. Emily Rose. However this movie, is where it all began. Subtitle subliminal images corse through this movie. An amazing piece of art. 

The Monster Squad: If you ever wondered what The Goonies would be like with Dracula, The Wear wolf, Frankenstein, and The Swamp monster. Then this is your movie. 

It's The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown: Just for the kids.

Motel Hell: A B-Movie apparently NO ONE at work knows about. Which is sad because this is where the original, yes... ORIGINAL! Pig Head is used in a horror flick before Saw came along. Mainly about a Farmer who likes to cook up some Jerky, falls in love and then it's all for not. But if it's one thing I learned from this movie. "Meat's meat, a mans gotta eat!"

The Mummy: The original might I add, not the action packed version with George of the Jungle. Anyway, same names apply... Some dude is brought to life, tries to undead a forgotten king of Egypt and uses a reincarnation as a sacrifice. All the elements of a love story staring the guy who did the Monster in Frankenstein. Pretty cool movie, however, no walking dead guy in mummy wrappings. Sorry folks. 

Night of the Living Dead - Survival of the Dead: How could I NOT mention these movies!? My good friend Matthew. After seeing Night, and Dawn of the Dead I had to see all the videos. Pretty much the movie Bible of Zombie flicks. It's the original cannon of Zombie movies and is pretty much responsible for movies like Zombieland, and the T.V. series The Walking Dead. 

Realized A Couple of Things...

8. My brother, Zach in the past year has held down a job as a Certified Health Assistant. He dropped that job and went into Welding, because it's a trade. Then he couldn't pay for classes. So, then he called me and said, "I want to be a fire fighter." I said, "Good luck." It didn't pave through as well as we all hoped. Now I'm waiting for the call with him saying, "I want to be an Astronaut." Believe me, it's not off the table of possibilities.

7. Diddly told me a year ago, "You never know when you need a multi-tool." I replied with, "Yeah, when pigs fly." Well, I went to the store and he convinced me to buy a multi-tool. It's a small one. I walk up to the counter and asked the lady if I could buy a multi-tool because the products are protected by a plastic stopper on the shelf. She said, "Oh, you mean something from the Gerber isle?" I told her, "I didn't say anything about baby food." Little did I know Gerber isn't just baby food, but also a knife/ multi-tool company. Go figure....

6. Even when working with the Government, 25 years later, I mention I'm born in a different country and I still have to prove with a born abroad certificate. Best part, the Admin people were like, "Can you prove you're an American Citizen?" I replied with, "Yeah, (You dumb bitch) I joined the NAVY. Back ground check, anybody?" Further pressing the situation, "Do you have your 'papers' on you?" Me: "Name one person who conveniently brought their birth certificate and born abroad as well on a business trip?" I promptly walked out of the room and situation. You honestly can't write that shit. And I'm now slightly offended by the word 'Papers.' Like some Gestapo just asked if I was legal. Fuck you and your "PAPERS."

5. I use to think I wanted a Wiki-page for my music project. Then I realized 90% of people on Wikipedia have done something slightly controversial. Which isn't really my thing. Thanks, but no thanks. Till I'm popular in life for some reason, this ship has sailed. I'm happy with just a website.

4. Well, this last week I logged onto uspto.com. I thought about trademarking PostOmnis and just securing my music projects name. Just to price check, come to did out the Government shutdown harkened on my interest. Yes, I'm implying the Government shutdown is fucking with my plans. 

3. Even to this day, classic Halloween movies can scare me. Something about Freddy, Michael, and Jason still freaks me the fuck out. In total this year, I've jumped in my skin about four times. Subsequently laughing right after.

2. Not surprised when I hear a nine year old snuck on a plane and traveled nearly cross country. Reason being, in New York City I got on the wrong plane. I asked multiple flight attendance and till I landed in DC, they (the flight attendant) said to me "Yeah, you're on the wrong flight." Provided in not nine years old. But, what the fuck!?

1. I hate generic Keurig coffee makers. Ya'know the insert cup, water and press blue button. I feel like 5 cups in and I'm feeling the normal hit I usually get from a normal cup of coffee from a normal coffee maker. My sister's Keurig is Way better in comparison. But holly cow, what a piece of shit machine.

Lies Men Tell....

I figured on covering the top 15 lies men tell women. Hopefully giving some insight to the ladies on why we do it. Here's to my observation lies men tell.

"Strippers don't turn me on."- Wrong! If your man is seriously trying to pass this one off he's habitually lying. Strippers hit a primitive aria of our brain we can't really explain. I'm sure women going to a bar themselves would have just as much fun as men do... I'd like to hear a woman explain how a male stripper doesn't turn them on.

"You don't look fat in that."
- Instead, of spooning us the question which implies I have to figure out if you look fat or not. How about asking me if you look Hot or Not. That we can do without pissing women off. Ladies, do us a favor and use a different euphemism. Not only will it allow you to figure out what we think is hot on you. But you'll also feel more inclined to ask. Also, if there was no repercussions for saying this shirt doesn't make you look hot would be nice. 

"I don't watch internet porn."
- We all know the sites and I myself have viewed these sites too. Which doesn't mean I'm looking for something exciting a new. Nor does it mean I'm board with my sex life. There's no way I'm fantasizing while having sex with you either. That's a ridiculous notion. It's the same equivalent of going to the porn shop and buying a video at $55. Instead, I'm just watching my neighbors fuck for free. So... With that being said...

"I love you too."
- I know guys who'll say they love a girl just to get in their pants. I don't personally do this and I don't condone it. I find it distasteful and fucked up. But it happens...

"I'm 6'2"..."
- No guy wants to be a shorty. So, sometimes they lie about their height. Then again, girls whom are taller don't really want to be with small guy. So, sometimes guys boost their height by a few inches just to see if they can even get date one. And if the chick really believes they're 6'2" then date two rolls around.

"I've only slept with X amount of girls."
-  Who really keeps count? My ball park is at least 8. I don't count the one night stands... And I wouldn't expect women to do it either.

"I'm interested in so many things."
- Sure we have interest but we're not interested in everything.... 

"Yeah, I'm 23 years old."
- Sometimes guys lie about their age to either be older than the girl. Or the opposite happens. No girl wants to be with a Grandpa and rob the cradle either.

"My dick equals MC^2."
- It's no lie for me to say, guys really don't want to be inadequate. And the D is where we feel it matters. It's been a thing we've worried about since Middle School. Even today I heard a 30 year old imply his dick touches the ground. Of course it doesn't, but it's still something guys feel equate them to being dominate.

"Nothings wrong... I'm fine."
- This isn't really a 'lie' per say. It just means, we're stressed the fuck out and can't find the words to explain. Remember guys are not "stealer" at voicing what's really on their mind. I actually find myself telling Lor I don't have the words to explain where I'm at right now, but I'll tell her when I figure it out.

"Can't wait to see mom and dad."
- Said no married couple, EVER!

"I work out all the time."
-In other words, we're trying to say we're not lazy.

"We'll talk about it later."
- I've never said this, but for those guys who have. Ladies, what he's really trying to do is just avoid the losing conversation and hope you forget about it a year from now. Provided we both know that doesn't happen.

Please comment below and tell me what you think. I'm sure this is a great conversational piece for your relationship too. 

P.S. Ladies, you're next. 

Hello Bubble Bath

It has come to my attention this last week, maybe, just maybe my superiors at work have been over bearing on the employees recently because of two reasons:
1. They didn't have a chance to yell or ground their 16 year old for not taking out the trash. Which can open a Pandora box of many other reasons you would ground your teenager. Finally,
2. Someone didn't get laid last weekend. Which means they probably have to rub one out.
Now, this week on a Tuesday I roll into work usual time in the morning. My boss looks at me and said, "What are you doing here. If Ray is on day shift, that means...." I interrupted in disbelief and depression, "I'm on night check. Got it, be back later." I grab my keys and leave. Mind you, I came into work ready to kick ass and take names. Later in the day it dawned on me school kicked in awhile ago and it means my 3:00pm drive is probably extended to 3:30pm because of buses, and school zones. Next, I roll back into work. This supervisor waits till everyone in my department leaves. Leaving me the only person their, again just the solo guy. I haven't been doing my job long enough to know any better. But we have a dress code. Last I checked men are suppose to look professional. No 5 o'clock shadows. There's also a clause which says, men are to shave once a day. Well, I already did my one shave. I checked for stubble and went to work. This mother fucker had the gall to ask me if I shaved. (Let it be known now, I can't lie to save my life. I have tell and it sucks!) Anyway, I told him I shaved. He asked when; I answered, "in the morning." Which he indulged the irony of his stupid question with a stupid answer... Asking me what time. I told him, "In the morning." Apparently 12 o'clock in the afternoon when I wake up for evening shift is my 'morning.' Never mind I wake up at six anyway to shave my face and hit the sack again. The supervisor has a way of being very condescending as well. Which happens on a normal occurrence when he has ANY reason to talk to our department. Though I immediately contacted my boss about the incident he told me I looked fine. So, at least my boss knew.
The worst part behind the whole thing was how I felt self conscious after. Also, the rest of the week I had a panic attack when around the super. Being as how I attend shift meetings. The point here is, I feel like he's waiting for me to fuck up more so now than before when it was just simple shit.

To finish off my week though I had an interesting conversation with my girlfriends friend. I met her when Lor and I went on our first date. We've been pals sense. Anyway, I realized she hadn't been friends with my band PostOmnis and so I invited her to the band page. She messaged me with, "Why is your photo on the band page." I explained I compose the music for the band and it's really just a group of me and people whom just play. Then she had the light bulb moment of connecting the dots. And for a moment on my end it almost seemed like one of those moments on Hannah Montana when she took off the fucking wig and reviled she's a brunette. Oh, wait... That wasn't the point... There was something about the wig being Hannah, while her without the wig wasn't Hannah... Even though it's the same person... But it's not... Anyway, I had my first Hannah Montana moment! Thank you Amanda!

It was a busy evening last Sunday. Lor was cutting out the patterns to her dress, I was downloading a classic game to our generation called "American McGee, Alice." While playing the game after it downloaded Lor sat up from her pinning the pattern to the cloth. Her hand was on her lower abdomen, I asked her, "Babe, are you okay?" I first thought I would have to drive her to a hospital. She said, "It's that time of the month." First thought after she relieved me of her reasons behind the pain was, "Well, another month of not having babies! phew..." However, after some time of noticing she was in a bad way I said to her, "Love, draw up a bath and I'll get ya some Ice Cream." She looked at me in a very specific way when I know I've queued on the right thought and said to me, "I don't want you to get me ice cream and come home to me not wanting any." So, I insisted on the bath and told her I would be back in fifteen minutes.
Stop one: Went to WalMart because I realized we don't do baths, showers are the usual and maybe she'll just relax in a bubble bath. I pulled up to the Home/Garden aria of the store and began to walk up to the front doors of WalMart to find out the doors were locked and I would have to go into the store from the food market side. Really WalMart!? I planned my trip on the ONE side of the fucking store and I have to walk down and back for no reason! This is when I made the observation, WalMart use to have a Smiley Face for a symbol. Now it's like a fucked up star/flower thing. It's like they know they're pissing people off. I don't remember ever going into a WalMart and having a smile on my face, nor feeling like a star for that matter.
Anyway, I went into the soaps aria and found all alone in it's awesomeness the perfect bubble bath soap. Then I thought to myself, I could see her being uncomfortable without a bath pillow. So, I got one of those too. Finally, I realized it had been a long while since I had a bath too... Maybe some Bath Crayons would be nice. So I got myself some Crayons.
The next and final stop was to Harris Teeters. It's a more high end/ almost world market store and I feel blessed it's just down the street from home. I stopped in and immediately got the last two items to my mental list of things to get her.
As I come home, Lor is on the bathroom floor and I thought to myself another bad floodgate of thoughts. Like, maybe she hurt herself or is really not feeling good. I dropped everything to the floor and sat right next to her. She said to me, "What did you get love?"
By tone alone I realized she's just relaxing herself. I continued to pull out of the four plastic bags: Extra-Chocolate Moose Track Ice Cream, The Bath Pillow, Moscato blushed, and finally the Hello Kitty Strawberry Bubble Bath Soap. Lor almost lost herself and began to cry a little bit. And I couldn't have felt any better. She drew the bath immediately and I began making bowls of ice cream and cups of wine. She relaxed herself in the steamed bath, I sat outside of it and just sipped on the wine. Meanwhile, she looked in the bag and found the Colour Crayons I bought myself. She didn't know what they were. I explained the purpose and she was shocked. I guess when she was a little girl her parents never gave her colouring crayons for the bath tub. Which is weird for me. But then again, we're talking about me... My family isn't exactly normal either...
After the ice cream, wine and Hello Kitty awesomeness at hand. Lor was relaxed and buttered up with just having fun and feeling great. Her tummy wasn't hurting as bad and I stacked my deck of "awesome boyfriend points."
So, gentlemen, if you need schooling on how to make your girlfriend/fiance/wife thing the happiest lady in the world. A bubble bath goes a long, long way.

Finally, my friend at work Shay finally got her driver license. This is after the fact she failed the first time via Grand Theft Auto of my own car. She ran a stop sign. However, after a month of not being able to drive she got behind the wheel. Drove around work and then got pulled over by a cop. We got a "Warning" because we both explained I was teaching g her to drive. She's still new to driving and minding the laws of right of way. So with this said we drove for two hours and she went straight to the DMV. Which I'll go on record to say, they will go on lunch full well knowing people are waiting on them. +shakes head+ Well we went to WaWa and got ourselves a sub and then headed back. After a few minutes she was off to test. She passed and both of us were just relieved the struggle was over. 

Brain Droppings

My Strange Addiction:
Who remembers the lady who ate dryer sheets!? I find it really funny she started off just smelling the sheets, to then putting the sheets in areas of the house which are typical aside from the dryer. Ya'know like the closet to freshen up the smell of the room. Stuff like that. Then, she started to eat them. Best two parts, one she cuts the 'chemical' (huge tip off to the unhealthy habit) with toilet paper. Two, she stuffed them into her bra like a fucking travel pack! This is when I knew this show was a gold mine of great things to talk about.
Next, would be the 22 cat lady whom guess what? Is allergic to the damn cats. It kinda reminded me of a time when Zoe and I combined our cats in a house hold and lived together for a while. In total it was not 22 cats. Oh, lord no... This lady on the show spent days and hours on end cleaning house after the cats. I felt the same way about six of them. Two of which were elder, one adult and three adolescent cats in total.
While I'm completely hashing on these two and many other strange addictions I kinda realized some of them weren't really life threatening and just fucking psychotic breaks. Which I began to ask myself, what is my strange addiction?
Come to find out I have a couple of strange addictions. The most prominent is the fact I get easily convinced into thinking to myself I can use an unknown obscure, world instrument into my music. Which I do use by the way. However, it's like dumping money into a hobby which I'm relatively good at and then just move on to another random instrument. Currently in a year I spent money on: a microKorg, Violin, Kalimba and Kinnor Harp. That's four fucking instruments in total. Neither of which I've ever played in my life. I'm a Pianist for good sakes. The only thing keeping me away from being on a show like My Strange Addiction is the fact neither of these things have been an hindrance to my life style, love life or personal health. Which doesn't make me crazy! Just throwing some underlining reasoning behind all of this.
I also have an addiction to coffee. Enough said.

I realized the other day while flipping between Duck Dynasty and Amish Maffia. I somehow missed a demographic in life.
Amish Mafia Midgets.... Provided there's only the one Midget in the whole show. However, nothing says, "Oh, this guy is hard core" like an Amish Mafia Midget swinging a bat in an underground cellar which has cow milk because someone was doing dirty business under the table.

Has anyone heard of a porno which ended in a tragedy? I'm sitting here, thinking while I'm watching "After Porn Ends." Apparently there's a lot of things people can do after the porn industry ends. I think it's facinating there's porn stars who are now bounty hunters, counselor, and christian activist. There's a porn star whom somehow made the leap to reality TV. There's one chick who finally had to "study" and get her shit together for a job in the reality business and still suck at it (no pun intended). However, what I'd wonder most is probably what these people put on their resume? And it's not just the girls, its apparently (no pun intended) hard for the gentlemen too. Some happen to have become golfers. Apparently there's a niche for these things...

Oddities - Tell me you haven't seen Oddities!? Provided I've always been told by my friends Jamie, Shay, and Ian I'm quite odd and unusual. But I don't think these guys have heard of Oddities. Lets take a look here... It's a show about two business owners whom buy strange shit and then sell them for outrageous amounts of money. Like a 'Sss-Trait Jacket," said from Edgar. A playwright whom got strangely obsessed with a 'Sss-Trait Jacket.' Which he wanted to use in a 'play' he was writing and or producing. Whatever it is he was up to. The strangest episode (and they are all strange) is when a guy walks in with a mummified hand. He's of course trying to pawn the hand off to the Oddity people and I thought to myself, "Doesn't this go against all things about Mummies?" Like, isn't there a kind of curse about taking body parts of a mummy, holing on to the mummy, and finally pawning the mummy hand!? I believe I've seen the classic (non-Brandon Fraser) mummy movies to know you just stay the fuck away from dead people! Same rules apply to Zombies. But the point here, they take the mummy hand and have it examined by a professional. Whom not only just openly touches the hand and smells the 'oils' and 'rasen.' Then if this didn't make you freak out he implies there is a person whom tastes mummified parts. Get this, for authenticity reasons... I want to know who the fuck thought, 'We can tell if it's a real mummified body part if we taste it.

Aside from the above brain droppings which have pondered and probably resolved in my mind and felt needed to share with you. Here's some revelation for you. Yes, (hand in the air) this doesn't mean, "How." It means strike me dead if I make this up. I did a little Facebook surfing. Ya'know hunt through mutual friends and see what people have been up to. Apparently, when stumbling on my ex-fiance she apparently got married. Yes, married. And not to the guy she cheated on me with. Oh, no... And yes, I did hunt his ass down too. Both of them are losers and I feel like exploiting it. Here we go!
Okay, so she married a dude whom was in the Navy. Apparently and I quote "lost his shit" and is now going to college to master his skill in anime drawing. Provided, I've seen a couple of websites with his work. Pretty cool shit. However, I gotta say, when you call your girlfriend, fiance, wife a 'my little pony.' I gotta question a couple of things. I don't really know where to start but possibly, "Are you okay in the head?" I mean, I believe it to be the safest sentence to ask if he lost his shit for real without really saying it. Ya'know??? Though, he claims to be in the Navy... What I'm fascinated by is the idea he doesn't mention what he did and where he's been. Normal people brag that shit out. Oh, back to the ex-fiance. Well, she still to my observation doesn't do shit!? I know, still to this day probably has a shit job and has a shit situation too. Now, I saw all of two wedding photos and said to myself, 'I can't be a total douche bag and say she looks awful in that thing.' However, I also can't say it was a banging dress. Hmm.... I see what little ambiance provided to her wedding and said to myself, 'It could have been me; and thank God it's not!' Holly crap, I couldn't be caught with craptastic photos clearly not professional and obviously from the family.
Which segues me to my last brain drop of not wanting to go to my 10 year class reunion. Here's why, I don't believe for a minute in ten years people have their shit together. In 20, maybe a different story. The problem I see with this is the short time frame of 10 years to get 'your life' in order to brag about it to everyone whom made fun of you from 15-18 years old. And to see how all the people you thought were cool are clearly not, and the three people you actually stayed in touch with on Facebook are the only real friends. Punctuated by the clever sometimes seamlessly ironic notion all the jocks and preps were actually just fucked up snobby kids whom came down from the sugar high and are actually real people. You'll probably find there's some people whom are no longer with us anymore. You'll also be more than glad to find out the Valedictorian didn't really succeed in life, as much as we all thought he or she would have. Finally, all the baby momma and daddies whom couldn't have gotten each other knocked up soon enough. Provided I'm the ripe age of 25 and NOT pregnant however, I know people whom are my age and on their third child. Yeah, scary thought for me too. I see these people with kids and think to myself, 'Can I do this? Could I do this? and worst yet... Everything in my life goes on halt till mini-me is out of the house and off to college, FUCK!' Aside from all these question and ponders which quagmire in the depths of my psyche I stop and realize... I don't have to worry about kids, or weather or not people whom I went to school with are more successful than I. I don't care about them and they certainly don't care for me. It's not like Google isn't available. To be honest, when it comes right down to the final straw... No one gets a kick of going back to their roots and reminiscing, provided some good memories do floodgate. The point here is, the memories which are most relevant are the now. I spent sometime in Coos Bay, Or two years ago. Same people in the same town doing the same thing... Nothing progressed except for the fact I saw a couple of girls on the poles which I didn't know would end up there. However, the point is, everything stays the same and rarity changes it all. To them I would be considered a radical, and to the normal people of the world I'm just strange. The more I think about it, the less I'm enthused by the idea of holding on to people to be my friend. If it is, than it is... If not, then fuck it...




Brain Droppings....

Camping, Music and Love

How to sum up the last few months is as follows...

June: My girlfriend and I have been recent parents to two new additions to the family. Two Ferrets by the name of "Lady" and "Bandit." We were sold on the two critters from the get go. Lor had seen a lot of YouTube videos and like me when I become over convinced, I commit. It was a warm summer drive to Hampton. Immediately after meeting the family which posted a Craigslist ad, we fell in love with these furry weasel things.
A little after, Lor and I went camping for the first time together. This will be the first time for me to go camping in a very long time. Provided I'm a city kid and practically lost without electronics, Wally World, and running water from the tap... We ditched everything except cell phones for Shenandoah National Park. It took about four hours in total to drive. We started early and got to our camp site. Made a home and began the basics of making everything as comfortable as possible. Let's take a note. We spent money on almost everything! I bought the tent a week before the trip. Hadn't built it until the day we showed up to the site. The closest Wally World was one hour away. When arriving to our camp ground we both met Ranger Bill. First thing he informs us about is the recent sightings of bears. "Don't leave any food out for the Beeears..." He warns us. It felt like that creepy moment when a person in a scary movie tells the main character to not run over any old people. Because old people will hunt you down; kill you and seek revenge...
Well, our first day was set tent and walk around finding out what's around the camp grounds. Took photos and of course make smores.
Day two, took a hike down a three mile trail all down hill. Had an amazing time, took photos, sang songs and had an awesome P.B.&J sandwich with chips and lemon-aid. Found these amazing waterfalls. The first one wasn't as impressive as the second, reason being the second waterfall is a 30 foot drop. However, I noticed half the waterfall pooled. So, I went off trail and climbed. Lor took a photo of my epic climb and then I said, "I wanna feel how the waterfall feels!" I walked along the rocks and then slipped. I fell and almost completely fell into the pool of water. From Lor's p.o.v. I was there at one moment, gone the next. She begins to panic and yelling, "PINEAPPLE, PINEAPPLE! ARE YOU OKAY!?" I get back up and yell, "I'm fine!" Didn't get to go under the waterfall, however I helped Lor climb to where I was. We found a nice place to sit next to the waterfall and had our lunch. After, it was a horrible walk back to the car. A three mile hike back up a constant slope sucked! Not only for me in Navy Flight Deck Boots, but for Lor who hasn't probably done incline walking for a long time. Again, we sang songs, talked about what was on our minds, reminisced the waterfall and of course talked about how beautiful mother nature is. Dinner was hot dogs and mac'n'cheese. All from a camp fire.
Third and final day was another hike. We were pooped from the last hike, but we knew this other trail was the most popular. Drove to the other side of the park and began our walk into the Dark Hallow. Truly a Dark Hallow with a constant creek flowing into a river and tumbling into multiple waterfalls. Again, went off trail a couple of times and of course had our lunch. Had an amazing time and left the next morning to civilization. I had a lot of fun, everything which could have gone wrong or unplanned went wrong and unplanned but neither of us let is control our trip. I had a really fun time with my girlfriend. I think the best part is the fact it was her idea to do this year. I'm glad I was able to be with her and make it happen for her.

July: Practiced on the violin enough to record on my record. Then I found this instrument called a Kalimba. Also known as a Thumb Piano and been messing around with the instrument since then. Eventually for the month of August I was on a ship, while doing figure eights in the middle of the Atlantic for all I know, I did nothing but play the Kalimba for hours and hours at a time. Possibly two hours of playing the Kalimba at a time.

August: Found out a couple of months back Lor and I would be going to a wedding but didn't really plan it out till now. We'll be going to Michigan and this means I will be meeting the parents. Meanwhile, Lor has been domesticating herself with learning how to knit and sew.  Lor finally got to meet my family. Not in the conventional way. She's met the sister and brother and kids between. They love her and I love her too. I'm glad my family sees how much we compliment each other. How we're alike and have our differences. It's one thing I have come to find through my early adult life. Though it's nice to have contemplative things in common, it's the uncommon/differences which are more fascinating. Because it teaches me tolerance, acceptance and how to love harder.

Till then!

Short blurbs

I've come to realize my world has somewhat changed a lot. For starters my new girlfriend of 6 months has become the biggest part of my life. Second I got promoted at my job and the amount of responsibilities has come too. Finally with a new album on a start-stop schedule, it's been frustrating to figure out what to do, what project to do. And of course with my book in the mix and through the constant hacking of edits it's now become my one and only novella.

In short I figured on just stopping by my blog life and leaving short blurbs of what's up. For PostOmnis fans my monthly blog hasn't been much either which really sucks too. 

Peace,

Sean

New Post Coming Soon....

I haven't dropped off the face of the planet. Not yet. I've been moving from one apartment to another and though I do have a slight interent presents right now. I can't jot down everything that's happened lately.
Belive me a lot has happened and I'm spilling about everything. The good, the bad, the beautiful and the ugly. It's all coming soon next month.

Thank you Savage & Smooth Readers!

Chris.

Fallon Shuffling

Fallon, Nevada is a piece of shit area of the United States. It smells like horse shit. Topped off with a down and out city center with more casinos than churches. Has absolutely no culture here except "Bumpkin."
The water has a taste of salt in it. Probably more radiation than the toilet bowl at this point. And my all time favorite observation.

There's a trailer park literally one street away from the Super WalMart! You can bet on stars there's some Bumpkin will be shit faced and pissing right outside his trailer. For all the world to see. Right, because the bathroom isn't the first place to sit and think about taking a piss at. WalMart has a free one just to the left of the front doors.
Here's an observation. Everyone here in Fallon seems to either have No fashion sense. Or, Dickies is all they seem to know. If so, then whatever.... I'm showing up in cloths from France, Dubai, and Virginia. These people are looking at me like I'm the weird one. One woman asked where I found a shirt she really thought looked nice. I said, Warehouse and she didn't get Warehouse is a store in a mall. But then again, there are no malls in Fallon.

Here's how I level off how shitty a town can get. When I preemptively call ahead of company business time and phone "music shops" Google says are in Fallon. And come to find out there are no Music Stores. Then you know it's a shit hole. My favorite is when I made a phone call and asked a guy about Violin strings. He said, "I sell Gee-tars. But I have a friend who knows a guy who plays the fiddle." Which I replied with a, "Thank you for your help."

Finally, when "Pigs in Space" is the ONLY reason to come to Fallon. Look, I like to go to the Gentleman's Club. I didn't this time because I'm in a committed relationship and bad boy habits have to die. I'd rather spend $200 on my girl than on some trick. (Oh, I had the explain to Diddly what a Trick is!) For those who don't know, "Pigs in Space" isn't the segment in The Muppet Show where Ms. Piggy is in Space with other pigs. Close, but now cigar. Pigs in Space is about fat women whom make a living off of stripping and providing men with a "good night outside of the club." What a "good night" in tells, I don't know... Couldn't for the life of me figure it out because there's nothing in Fallon. A fucking Jack in the Crack is more interesting than Fallon.

As for teaching Diddly what a Trick is. Apparently he's been going around work calling people a Trick. It wasn't till about three days in I noticed and asked him if he knew what the definition of a Trick is. He didn't reply and scapegoated with claiming I'm a Trick. Which is partly true if I was to cast myself back to my good old days at 21 years old. However, I've grown since then and I'm not, NOT under ANY circumstances doing THAT again. Maybe for another Blog post about Paula D. Anyway, I corrected him with explaining a Trick is a woman/man whom is fucking someone who is in a relationship.  Needless to say, he said I'm a Trick and Diddlied his way through work like usual.

Last but not least, the reason why this blog is titled "Fallon Shuffle" is because Jets leak a lot of fluids. Oil, Gass, Hydro, and many other liquids. The "Fallon Shuffle" is when a jet moves and you push a red wagon full of kitty litter. Using shovels to spread, and then digging ones pair of boots into the ground and working the kitty litter into the oil/gas/hydro spots on the ground. Afterwords, you sweep up the areas and dispose of it from there into a safe containment. The term "Fallon Shuffle" comes form the look of people 'shuffling' when working on the kitty litter.

DISCLAIMER!
    This is MY work of auto-biographical fiction. Names (except for yours), characters (including you), places and incidents either are products of MY imagination and are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events (like this one) or locales and persons, living or six feet under, is entirely coincidental. AKA, don't sue me… I have nothing.

It's shame based.

This is purely shame based. I have a pack of double stuffed Oreo's and a half gallon of milk on my bed in Fallon, Nevada. I could be out drinking and bowling. I could be asleep right now. But how can I beat four and a half hours of talking to my girlfriend AND watching the anime!?

I've come to realize I work better with less people around me. I also work better when problem solving involves other people doing work I wish I could. But seeing as how home base is in Virginia, and I'm currently in Nevada. It's difficult to really operate. Needless to say, it's also really difficult when I wish I could have the ability to do things by myself as well... Instead of relying on others. It's kind of a pet-peeve of mine to fully rely on others. I wont be surprised if I get a kick in the ass either way.

This is also shame based because my girlfriend told me I apparently have been watching some chick shows on T.V. I beg to differ. I think I've been watching shows which are freaky, funny and just down right stupid.
First show is titled "Catfish." What is a "Catfish" you may ask? Well, it's an underwater bottom feeder fish which is usually Noodled in quarries and lakes of Oklahoma. On the other hand, it's a person on the internet whom will use public photos of other people, create an account and make up a pseudonym. This is bad, I don't agree with it. The worst part is when they ensnare innocent bi standards into thinking they really are the person they say they are. Like the episode when this girl fell in love with a guy she had talked to for four years and turns out it's some chick a couple miles away from her. The profile started off as a sick joke and then developed into a bigger thing. the best part is when the girl "claimed" to be straight the whole time. I call Bull Shit.
The best episode was when we all got to meet KJ and Ebony. Oh, it was hilarious. Because sometimes we start off meeting KJ who is a "Catfish" who's wondering if the person on the other side is a "Catfish" too. So, KJ uses a different name/photo when talking to Ebony. Turns out the chick he's been talking to named Ebony is a transgender. So he was coming to terms with this. By the time we meet Ebony, turns out she's actually a Lesbian, and has a teenage daughter. You can't write this shit! He's shocked, but the best part is how Ebony is acting the victim. She was expecting some skinny guy and when he mentioned the name wasn't KJ. Oh, Ebony went crazy! In any case, you best to believe this episode was kinda sad. But hilarious because it was twist after twist after twist. For unscripted television this is amazing stuff.

The other show I've made into a drinking game is called "Friend Zone." It's a show about best friends and one of them has feelings for the other friend. So, they arrange a date and the best friend doesn't know this whole time it's a date for them.  The ending part is where both friends are at the date spot, they say goodbye to each other. Then as soon as the best friend walks away to go to the car or someplace the other friend says, "Wait!? Come back! This date, it's for you... I love you and I've had feelings for you for a long time... Blah, blah, blah..." This show ends with either both friends really falling in love or let down either easily/hard. I think the best one was when the dude did all this work and all she could say was, "This is so weird...... So weird... Soooooooo wierd...." The whole way back to her car so she could just jump in and drive off.
The drinking game comes in at this point because the idea is, to take a drink of beer/shot of drink at any time either of the people on the show say the word "LIKE." You also must take a shot if it's a Gay Episode where there is as follows:

1. The Gay Gasp
2. Anyone saying the word, "Heeeeeeeeeey!" or other stereo typical gay phrases.
3. Any Gay one liners. i.e. "Too Gay to Function."

To explain what you're up against. Here's how the dialog follows:

Person One - "I just don't want things to be weird yaknow? Like, I couldn't see this just being a friendship thing." (Take a shot)
Person Two - "Well if he likes you, then he likes you. There's no way to know until you like... Just ask..." (Take Three shots mother fucker)
As you can see "Friend Zone" can become a deadly game and I'm all for it.



Finally, I'd like to point something out...

DISCLAIMER!
    This is MY work of auto-biographical fiction. Names (except for yours), characters (including you), places and incidents either are products of MY imagination and are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events (like this one) or locales and persons, living or six feet under, is entirely coincidental. AKA, don't sue me… I have nothing.

It's Just an Exampe

So it's Super Bowl back in 2005 (I think) and Zoe spent the better part of the day cooking in the kitchen making vast amounts of finger foods for Dad and I to eat. Super Bowl in the family house hold was like an undeclared holiday where we all sat on the couch for hours on end watching the big game. Me personally I didn't give two shits about which team was playing. I wanted food and to see how the half time show went. Of course, who couldn't watch the Super Bowl for commercials either.
Well, we're all sitting on the couch and for the better part of the first half, Zoe and I were getting really involved with the game. Then all of a sudden the line of scrimmage breaks and the ball barely makes it past the first completion for the team. She jumps out of the couch and yells at the TV,
"What!? Can't you see the yellow line!!!"
This is the moment, when Dad and I stopped half way through eating our finger food snacks and looked at her with the most serious face we could muster. For me, this was once again a perfect opportunity to mentally jot down and save in my head for future reference for retarded ass shit which falls out of her mouth at the most opportune moments.
So, she sits down and I looked at her. I didn't know where to begin because obviously, the yellow line.... The YELLOW line. For a football game has always and forever will be a digitally placed marker for viewers at home to understand where the ball is suppose to go. Conversely there's a blue line showing where the ball starts. And ever so conveniently an arrow with the team logo and a slide shot to tell you (the viewer) what inning we're observing. All of this is digital and to this day, I still get a kick from my sister. I'll watch a game once in a great while and this moment will pop in my head and I'll always think, "CAN'T YOU SEE THE YELLOW LINE!"

Another moment when Zoe has a nack for speaking and shit happens is when we once lived in Moore, Oklahoma. It was a dark and stormy day, I was use to this kind of weather on the West Coast and thought nothing of it till an old lady stepped out of her house and yelled at me of a possible tornado in the city. I booked it home. In the front room Dad had everything prepped for immediate danger. My sister at the time was literally one day out of the hospital from having her baby. So she's all kinds of drugged up. Picture the electricity out for a good portion of this time and the only thing working was the emergency radio on battery power. This small device unknowing kicks start the beginning of what would be an eventful night.
(Static) Tornado has touched down in Tuttle, Oklahoma. (Static)
My Dad repeats the message back to Zoe. And the brilliance here is the fact tornado's move in a North-Eastern movement. They don't have a "wild" path about it. I mean on small scale they move which ever way they want. But on the big picture they move North-Eastern. Usually along with this thing called a JET STREAM. Tuttle is a known fact South West from Moore. Direct line of attack from our town.
Well, Zoe is delirious and she says without a beat,
"Tuttle, who cares about Tuttle!" BOOM!
A tree from the next door neighbors yard falls and wind quickly stirs and all I heard was Dad saying "Get in the shelter." Hold up, our shelter was a small ass closet with board games over our heads. We would have to strap on bike helmets and brace for impact for anything this tornado was going to bring our way. Dad, took a mattress and made a man cave with the bathroom tub. And this was survival 101 in the good old Oklahoma planes at the ripe age of 15.
Anyway, the damage was done and our house was saved once again. However, NEVER EVER again will my sister speak of 'Who cares about Tuttle.' Apparently someone did, otherwise a tree wouldn't have fallen on Dad's truck and dead bunny's wouldn't be in the back yard.

These are two of many, many stories I have on Zoe which I find amazingly funny because of the amounts of irony involved. They show her character as a person and she'll be the first to admit they happened and probably ten to one laugh about them too.
I'd like to go out on a limb for people who don't get it.... I obviously wouldn't make fun of people I didn't care about. It's a lesson I learned back in College during improv class. You Never make fun of people you don't like. Obviously you only make fun of people you love. Apparently it's a theory which I and the majority get but some don't. Which is sad because they're so many things to talk about. I'll be blunt, I can talk about the good and the bad. Obviously the first story was a good one. The second one can seem a little dark because no one would want to be involved with a tornado. Either way, there's no holds bard on what I blog about. I keep it real and fictitious at best. I wouldn't want to name drop someone without permission. And I'm always good for creatively making up a pseudonym. So for all you people out there who don't get it. I love my family and I'm the only one who can make fun of these guys for the moments I find funny! Fictitious or otherwise.... So without further adieu:

DISCLAIMER!

This is MY work of autobiographical fiction. Names (except for yours), characters (including you), places and incidents either are products of MY imagination and are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events (like this one) or locales and persons, living or six feet under, is entirely coincidental. AKA, don't sue me… I have nothing.

Take this into account.

While I'm in Fallon, Nevada on yet again another business trip I realized I could dedicate a post to Life Lessons. I feel these points here can really apply to anyone who wants to put their best foot forward on goals you wish to make.
I guess this could be considered in the blog-sphere as my blogs "NEW YEAR RESOLUTION POST." However, I don't stoop so low to New Year Resolutions. I simply don't believe in them. I remember when the dawn of a new century came. I thought it would be so cool to begin doing New Year Resolutions.
The obvious problem was the fact I was 12 years old and had no idea what to do.. My Evil Egg Donor would always say she wanted to lose weight. I'm sure a lot of people can relate with her to the extent of starting with good intentions. Then sourly gaining 30 Lbs. by the time next year rolls around. Granted she would never work out. However, the first month of food for the year would consist of "Healthy Foods." Mine on the other hand were kinda simple. Examples being:
Get Straight A's at least ONCE!
Perform in at least ONE play.
It was never something too serious. Except for the moment when I was 18 and realized a lot of my "resolutions" were fucking retarded. I pretty much knew I was never going to get Straight A's. Instead I would just try to get as many B's as possible. As for working in plays, I realized in High School there's not much competition if you take your "talents" outside of the school. I was always nailing some production by the time High School was over with; through the course of making these goals and living life. I realized there wasn't much need for Resolutions. Just long term goals and aspirations work better for me. I think resolutions at this point in life sitting at 25 years old. I think it's pointless to make resolutions. I've come to know myself well enough to know resolutions don't work for me. Hell, I'm not saying they work for everyone.. I'm just a glitch in the MATRIX. Without much further adieu here are some life lessons I've held to my life and seemed to work for anything I set my mind too. I think if you've been on board with me about New Year Resolutions so far, you'll appreciate these Lessons.

Find your passions in life. I found my passion in life at the right moment and time. This will bounce back in other life lessons. However, I found my passion in life is in writing, producing music. I started off practicing and experimenting at a young age. Then it wasn't till I was in High School when I joined my first band Yama. Then at one point I decided to just do my own thing and learn to compose for all the instruments of the world. Thus began my passion of composing music. It's been a fun, exciting, frustrating, and beneficial passion. There are a lot of aspects to it which are fascinating to be a part of as well. In essence, having a passion makes your life more exciting and filled with doing something other than sitting around the house.

Life is no fun without risk. I personally like to make physical and financial risks every so often. Example being my job sometimes is considered one of the top ten most dangerous jobs. I've also poured excessive amounts of money into my passion by buying pianos, flutes, violins, paper, and of course buying copyrights. Get this; you have to pay iTunes in order to sell your music. They apparently don't just let you upload and then take out 10% because of their services. One song alone is an $8.00 drop. A full length album on the other hand is like $43.00. Do I expect to make this money back? Not in an instant. However, I do believe time will show progress. So, take risks which you are comfortable with. Like the one time I jumped out of a plane and sky dived. Best day ever!!!

A mistake is an opportunity to learn. This is my cop-out for fucking up at anytime. It goes hand in hand with "no question is a stupid question." This is fucking ridiculous. I had a professor tell the class 'no question is a stupid question.' I raised my hand and asked, "If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconuts, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?"
Granted, to this day we still don't know if Gilligan escapes the island. However, it's safe to assume it maybe the same island found in LOST.

Don't lie to children. I think for the most part I've been straight forward with my Nephews and Niece. Okay, maybe not the Niece. Only she's so innocent. She's not litteral like the youngest Nephew. Nor is she mature enough as the oldest Nephew to understand things. However, if it's one thing I wish I had back when I was a kid was someone who would tell me the hard core things in life. Then I could just live vicariously through those experiences and try to not fuck up the way they did. Which is why I don't lie to children about the stupid shit. Like when the Evil Egg Donor kicked me out of her house when I told her she shouldn't be with her (then) boyfriend. Which ended with a pre-packed ADIDAS bag and nowhere to go except for Aunt Kelly's house.

Always have an Alter Ego scape goat. I have an Alter Ego named Christopher. He's me, but not me. My mother kicked me out when I was 13 and ever since I made it a point to be able to be noticed and still have my privacy. So, when you're looking up Sean Graves. You maybe looking up a football player from Collumbine who got shot. Alternatively you may also stumble upon a dude who's an American Composer for a band called PostOmnis. Who also has an alter ego named Christopher.

Never look back on bad business partnerships. I recently looked up an old business partner whom worked with me on a demo session of PostOmnis. It was a moment between Insomniac People and Equilibrium when I was composing music which was kind of in the same vain of the fourth album. The album was titled "Love, Life and Silence." It was a more agressive Ambient album nailed in by foot notes of yelling, screaming and chanting vocals by two dudes (myself and the other composer) whom then split ways after a tiny mishap in a recording session. He was working on his solo project which he wanted to mimic a whip cracking sound. Great, all for different styles and if a whip sound was what he needed I was bound and determined to find a sample. However this mother fucker thought it would have been cool if someone whipped his back while the mic was on.
...
...
...
As soon as I realized he wanted me to do this I got up and walked out. I've never looked back since then and don't care to. I'm sure his solo career is Zooming compared to mine. I guess it is what it is. Some people would tell you to let go of the past. What they don't tell you is to learn from it. In this example, I learned to back the hell away from a business partnership when crazy jumps out of the bag.

Always give 110% otherwise everything you do in life is worthless. I put 110% into my job and into my side career as an American Composer. I think it's also important to be self sacrificing to your friends. If you're going to do it. Do it 110% because people will notice and be genuine about it. I would list examples, however it wouldn't be propper and koothful.

It's okay to have serious relationships. Without them life wouldn't be interesting and you wouldn't feel good inside. It took me three years to this date to realize how special it feels to have someone who cares for you in your life. Granted the last one was devistating, I do feel it was worth the weight to chillout and have some 'me time' and regroup my feelings. I may have become a little bitter hearted as time progresses. I know though I'm not the kind of guy who would let the new girl get the short end of the stick because of the past.

Be positive about the past. You survived and learned from it. Now brag about it and whine about the present. Nobody likes people who have drama-mama issues. Yes, it's okay to complain about life. No one likes MONDAY and paying bills. It's one thing to talk to someone about a situation because they maybe able to relate or console you. The opposite can occure when everyday there's 'something' negitive and not progressive.

Tin Foil wraped Ding Dongs taste better. It's a proven fact because back when I was a 10 year old boy. My sister was knocked up with her first child. At the time she was watching Days of Our Lives and told me to run to the store down the street and get her a box of Ding Dongs. I got her money, went to the store and got the Ding Dongs. I was so proude of my accomplishment at the time. It was a huge deal to be trusted with money at this age, as well as to walk five blocks without a parent. Wow, the 90's were different. Anyway, I got home and handed my sister the box. She opened it and found plastic wrapped Ding Dongs. While I walked away from her she proceeded to chuck one of the plastic wrapped Ding Dongs at my head. Not only did this hurt (it didn't hurt for real), but it also taught me a valueable lesson. Tin Foil wrapped Ding Dongs taste better.