My Second Christmas Party

Going to the Company Annual Christmas Party is like going to your High School Prom and Ten Year Reunion all in one. True to form it's everything you would expect it to be as well! There was mainly two demographics going for itself. However, I'll go on record to say Siri and Garmin can suck a dick because we placed the directions and then somehow ended up at a back gate which was nearly six miles away from the venue. This was the first tip off things were going to go weary.

Then Amanda, Lor and I showed up to the Seabreeze. A simple building with a simple introduction. Like normal coatcheck was an "option" which we didn't know was an option till about an hour into being in the damn place. Then, the worst part for me is walking around and saying "Hello" to everyone. I mean EVERYONE. From the dumb ass who just became apart of our family. To the old farts whom have been around for nearly 4 years. Then we had the fuckers who have been in our companies family, moved on to another job and still showed up. This was a small group of people and four of my personal friends fit into this group. However for the "fuckers" whom I speak of.... I felt it was rather unbecoming. In fact, prior to, Jamie and I were sending 'hate mail' to each other about the damn Christmas party. In part, I was already prepped for just not wanting to deal. On the other hand, I wanted Lor to have fun.
I think for over all presentation, we made sure we said 'Hello' to everyone we knew and met some new faces too. Particular to introducing everyone I know and like at work to Lor. She seemed to have a lot of fun which is nice. Eventually Lor, Amanda and I were sitting at the kids table of the whole thing which was instantly the best table to sit at. An old friend named Robert sat across from me with his wife, then next to me was a colleague whom I've gotten to know better in the past four months.

One main problem I saw with the SeaBreeze from the get go, was the moment  I ordered three ginger and jack which cost about $12. Neither of them were strong or really hit me the way it should have. So, like Amanda had decided she and I went for a Malibu Sunrise. It's a default mix drink which personally had never let me down, but not tonight. The drink was again, really shallow on the alcohol. This was nearly two hours into the Christmas party. Some douche bags had already come up to me and said "Hello." Other I told to fuck off, however, nothing will be as memorable when the Maintenance Chief had walked up to Amanda and I. He first said hello to me. Seemed normal, Over doing it with a smile and friendly stuff. But then the moment I introduced him to Amanda. He nearly dead looked her in the eyes for longer than a second or two. Then he turns to me and says, "Well, have a good night." Just walking off with no manner at all...
Then after a while of going through ticket raffle offs I finally had enough of being around people I work with. I get to this particular limit where it's something I can relate with people who have sensory over load. I have something called People Over Load. It happens when I'm around too many people and or people whom I know and wish I didn't. Then People Over Load happens and I have to get out! Getting out doesn't mean going to the smokers spot either. Because a congregation of those same people will be there too.... The only place where People Over Load doesn't happen is when I'm home.... Home, or the Library.... I love the Library because its a place people go to and NO ONE TALKS TO ME.
Well, finally after meeting everyone I love as friends, Jamie, Shay, and others. I personally needed to dip out. About 3 hours after arriving Lor, Amanda and I came home and just relaxed afterword.

Overall my personal motivation is burnt out for Company Christmas Parties. I realized its the ultimate High School Reunion and Prom all rolled up in on and I personally can go another two years not going to remind myself not to go again. Till then.

Thank Yous mean a lot

It's been near over four years since I've been doing my job. The few things I remember the most out of it is my first "Thank You" from a random stranger.

It was mid April when I graduated from the Great Lakes. The few people I knew from my class and I all had tickets to San Antonio, Texas for our A-school. The flights connected at Atlanta, Georga. So with just a few hours to play with myself and a group went to the nearest McDonnalds. I'm traveling in uniform and standing in line. I gave my order and was about to pay. In a moment a woman from behind me said,

"Sir, I'd like to say thank you for your service." 

I was shocked! I told her she was welcome and told her she's the first person to ever thank me. Then she leaned past me and told the associate she was paying for my order. Wow! What a moment to burn in my memory. 

Earlier this week Lor asked me to get her some Tomato Bisque from the store. It was around five in the afternoon. I just got off work and made it to the store. Ran through a couple of isles, then found the wall of soup cans. I swear I saw Tomato soup and Tomato Bisque next to each other. I swear I grabbed the right cans. Then I saw a couple of other flavors I felt interested in. So I grabbed a couple of cans and left. Feeling satisfied I came home and Lor saw what cans I brought home. Come to find out the Tomato Bisque label "transformed" in the truck to Tomato and Rice. What the hell.... The next day I went back to the same store and low and behold the space were the Tomato Bisque was was empty. Go figure. I talked to an associate and they checked the back stock. Apparently its on pallet and wouldn't be opened till later on tonight. +shakes head+ So, I go back and the Tomato Bisque is nowhere to be found in the store I went to the night prior. I went across the street and finally found it. Of course, I'm off work and in uniform. I made it to the check out line and a lady beside me tapped my shoulder and said,
"Sir, thank you for your service."
Wow! What a flash back to the prior... I told her thank you for your gratitude and how much it meant to me. I think in reflection it was one of those set backs for me. I think in some strange way I needed some stranger who appreciates what I do for a job. Not saying I don't get it from my loved ones. Because they'll be the first to say they totally support me. However, a random stranger telling you "Thank you" goes a really long way. Especially when I didn't really do anything in the first place.
Well, low and behold I was trying to pay for the groceries I had and the cashier asked for something from me. I heard the word 'card' and I figured he meant my ID card. So I showed him my ID. Then the woman said, "No hun, he means a store card." She pulls out her keys and on the key ring is a small card he scanned. My $5 purchase dropped to $2 because of the discount. So, in a way she paid for my food. Which again really made me go back in time on this one. 

Making Christmas, Fa-ra-ra

Happy (belated) Thanksgiving everyone! This year I have quite a bit to be thankful for. For example, I could be on a ship having terrible vegetarian food for Thanksgiving. I could also be very far away from Lor this year and not even in the same state. In consideration to these few, but important reasons, I'm thankful to just be home with a normal life.

This year was more different than last year. We've been vegetarians for the better part of this year. For example, we didn't do much with chicken/turkey.... However, we did enjoy sweet potatoes, stuffing, green bean casserole, fish, and other vegetarian stuff. Needless to say, it was great!

Now on to the other BIG subject that's been hanging over my shoulder like a monkey. True to form, Lor and I got to experience a Bridal Shower. Guys, wake up! (Clap, clap) This is information for you! Apparently, as girly as a Bridal Shower sounds. We all know it's a party which is all about the bride; however, it's also about you too. Which means the ONLY part you have to figure out, thanks to the Brides Maid and Best Man, is decorations and making sure people show up. After an early morning of prepping decorations and making sure everything was staged for everyone. I personally sat on the couch waiting for people to just show up. Needless to say, no one from Team G showed up. This is to be expected because everyone in my camp is either from the West Coast or Michigan.... OR the guys are on leave and not... REPEAT, not in town for the party. Which is what it is... I wouldn't have been if it was Thanksgiving Leave time. I totally understand. Otherwise, nearly everyone from Lor's Bride Maid camp made it to the party. Even the Officiant (our friend Bruce) came to the party. Everything was fun. We played games. Laughed and had a lot of fun.

The next day, all the decorations came down. Then Thanksgiving was a go. Literally the next day all the Christmas decorations came up! 

In other news, I became good friends with one of Lor's friends. Here name is Anna. One night, when she came over for dinner and hanging out. She mentioned she had never seen any of the Rocky movies. Being American and feeling like I needed to help a friend in need. Well, Rocky night was a go. I had pop corn, beer, and chips with dip. Before starting our Rocky marathon Anna had mentioned her college project with a music video. Then I gave her a few songs to listen to and she heard ONE song which I had been meaning to get vocals for. Over the course of two nights she and I recorded vocals into the song and finished.
I'll say it was really fun to get back to plugging in the mic, making the make-shift studio and having fun again with the craft I love. I think the best is the fact the motivation for creating lyrics, or song structure was purely based pure innovation and non-contrived. I always feel the music works best when there's not rhyme or reason to collaborations. They just happen. So, Talios Wing (Anna's stage name) will be feat. on the new PostOmnis album. Specifically on the song "Vanished."

Back To Normal...

I'm back in the United States! 237 days ago, I was on deployment. I traveled to Greece, Turkey, Bahrain, Dubai, Oman and France. It was a tough one for a lot of reasons this time in consideration of my first deployment. I'll have to say, the best of it was because of my bride to be. Lor was always a phone call away. She emailed me on the regular. I couldn't imagine life with snail mail being the main point of communication.

Otherwise, life back home has been great! Great company with Lor. We literally picked up right where we left off. With the added addition to our family is her best friend Manda-Panda whom moved into the apartment while I was gone. I think the biggest change was having to adapt back to my normal life. 237 days of NOT having to feel rushed is alien. 

I mentioned a long while back how it's really difficult to write your Vows for your brides wedding. I'll go on record to say at this point planning a wedding is not only spendy, but also sometimes stressful. Example, just yesterday we bought the invites to the party. A couple days before, and it was like looking at a really tall hurtle. +sigh+

I'll say for the record weddings and wedding planning for nearly a few hours of life does take nearly a year to plan. Holly cow!

Side step on the wedding plans, Lor and I have been looking for apartments and houses for rent in Washington. At first, this was clearly just my responsibility. Till we all came to the understanding Internet at the speed of slow is miserable. Trying to figure out your future home isn't ideal on deployment. Just last night we had spent hours dedicated to a couple of website and outweighed the pros and cons. We made a few phone calls till we realized, "oh, yeah... It's a Sunday." But leaving a voice message is at least nice too. We're just at this point crossing our fingers.

A couple of days of work was well worth it for finally being able to just let my hair down and chill out for a while. I literally worked a total of three days in consideration of "work." However, I'll go on record to say one of them I pulled a double shift and slept in for one. I phoned in and asked if they need me. They said no and I was just doing normal house work till I realized I go on vacation the same day! FUCK YEAH!

The other day a friend of Manda-Panda and Lor's came over and we had dinner. Talking about just stuff and then it hit me their friend had NEVER seen a Rocky movie. This, I can not let stand. So I invited her over to the house and said, "I'll provide beer, popcorn, chips and the movies." Yes, I own all of the Rocky movies. The only problem I had at one moment or another was how I was going to figure out how to play the movies off my external. Apparently my XBox doesn't like the format of my external. Nor will the thing pop up. Well, thank you TV for having the HDMI cord. I'll just connect it to my computer and go it from there. LOL! Meanwhile, our friend Ash came over this morning and dropped off her dog Alex. So while I'm going to be watching Rocky in all his Rocky Epic-ness, I'll be dog sitting too. Sounds like fun!

May the Vows get Written

And just when I thought it would be easy to write down everything that would explain ho much I love Lauren. The pen hovers the page and I'm frozen.... I'm nervous and can't seem to zone into one fact, reason or objective which allows me to convey so much. I'm thinking, I could go at this from a narrative stand point. Poetic, Limerick, Haiku, Sonnet, or Mad-lib. Then I realized, I can put all the reasons down as they cross my mind.

Then I realized the next bit would be what I'm Vowing to my future bride. Then I'm thinking, again, before pen meets pad... What has everyone vowed their bride? Always being there wall to lean on. Always bring home the bacon (We're vegetarians so Eggplant is probably the best way to go). To be there through thick to thin? Or till death do us part? Hmm..... What is something that douche bag from "The Notebook" never said? Noah, you're the bane to my existence right now. Then I realized, three months ago to just say fuck it. Not like, "Fuck it" I don't care. "Fuck it" in the sense there's a standard which everyone has an objective point to feel what they thing a VOW should be. So, I replaced the word VOW with PROMISE.

Here's the part where I realized a Promise is a lot easier to make. Especially when they're things I know I can do. I know I can't set myself up for failure. Examples: A lot of guys tell me after 3 months, 6 months nearly a year later, 'Sean, she's changed.' I have to stop these guys sometimes and ask the question: "What did you do when you first started dating?" My favorite answer and best example I've had and use time and time again is, "I bought her flowers every time we had a month anniversary." My follow up is, "Do you do it still?" Then the guy tells me, "Well, after six months you'd think it would get old." WRONG!!!! It's become a habit to your relationship, good job! Point is, you made a promise to buy flowers every month and you conveniently fucked it away. Good job.
I'm sitting here thinking about VOWS or Promises I mean to keep for my marriage. I've thought of a few things and some of them are hilarious and yet thoughtful because I don't think anyone would get it unless they knew us. Convenient to us, Lauren and I only invited our family and friends. ^_^

I'd also like to say I have NO IDEA how long Lauren's Vows are. I figure 3 mins tops.... I read online some couples work with each other on Vows. If you mean for them to flow with one another without the contrived feeling. Then, there's the way we've been doing it with her and I working on this solo. I'll tell you straight up it's a tough job to handle. I don't think it's nearly as tough as figuring out a honey moon. Which by the way is a hurdle upon itself. However, I'll say for the most part Vows have given me a kick in the ass. At one point I thought getting another woman's point of view on what I've jotted down would be a straight to the source idea. Then I realized, Draft one was too Narrative. Then Draft two rolled around and it's like reading 'Green Eggs and Ham' by Dr. Seuss. Third time through and I'm feeling closer to a better flow than before. Which is a nice change for once.

One thing I'd like to get across this post here is the fact writing Vows is not, repeat NOT, an easy task. It's a lot to consider especially when your future family in-laws are the audience. But after a few drafts it'll come to you. Google is a great resource to read blogs like mine but with "examples" of do's and don'ts. I'd be more than glad to post a few lines but Lauren is a reader. >_< Can't spill all the beans. 

Admin head aches

I think the worst part to the post is the fact it's about a couple of subjects.

1. The dark aspects of my job. 

2. It's a first world complaint.

3. It's just a bunch of bitch work with no thank yous.

So one part of my job is tailored to administration. In fact it's the third word to my job title. 

But what I dispice is how it showcases our first world problems in a heart beat. Sometimes I get wrapped up in the drama of it; I have to step back and remember it could be worst. 

Examples are Mr. Umptyscrunch's audit didn't come back and someone's boss didn't understand or like the write up. Or Mr. Unptyscrunch is upset with the audit over all. Then he calls you and acts like a victim of a criminal. Another would be Mr. Umptyscrunch routed a chit and it went past you and it's now your fault it's lost. 

A lot of it comes down to responsibility, I think. And that part really sucks. 

Example I can take to heart is a chit with my name on it for further qualification. Apparently Mr. Shmuckatelly routed it to the chief divisional. Whom is suppose to route it to the main admin department. I talked to main admin about said chit and they acted like they never heard of it in the first place. Hmm... So I go back to Mr. Shmuckatelly and asked, "did you route my qualification?" I got a solid yes. Then I asked the chief division guy and he gave me an "I dont know." My first thought is, WTH!?

Eval time.

I hate this point in my life. Evaluations on what I do for my job. Provided I feel like a major threat in my old office. My new office and the people I work with now have a better appriciation to me because I've worked with them hand on hand. Otherwise a lot of other maintenance administrators don't usually get the "respect" I feel I've earned. Maybe it's because I can relate easier. Maybe because I "know" what work is... Which is hard for me to even say because it's hard to not say I didn't do any work when I've not even done anything on a jet.

Needless to say, here we go on evaluation time and I have to write what I did from point A. to now. To me it sucks big ones because I have to sit their and say, I held my own as a sysmtems administrator, supervisor and a team player for flight operations. Which sucks! Yet there I go, I just told you what I accomplished. However, that's not really what they, the bosses boss, want to hear. So I had to come up with clever shit to throw in. 

My favorite is troubleshooting Server Message Blocking Protocol. What the hell is this you say? Or better yet, Wow sounds like a really cool job. To be honest it's kicking people out of a server who's log in is disallowing others from working. So the literal option is to "Kill" people. How politically incorrect it may be  doesn't matter to me. 

Naughty Angels are Sluts in training.

I'll go on record to say it takes a lot of balls to say the Boys Scouts of America (BSA) can suck the big one. The reason why is because the institution on the BSA has, is and always be fucked up because of the Christian "Values" they pride themselves on. Which gets flown out the window as soon as Halloween rolls around for ONE day. 

Needless to say, a couple of years back I attended the Halloween party for my nephew, J.J.'s Cub Scout/ Boy Scout thing. Some kind of "pack party." To be honest, all he sales pitched me on was the fact it was a Halloween party. Anyway, I clearly did not want to be apart of the whole thing and being dragged to would have been one of those therapy moments where going back to a familiar situation would cause a positive flash back. Instead, it turned into a horrible experience and affirmed as an adult how stupid the institution is. Well, I was told to dress up in a Halloween costume. After a long thaought out discussion in my head about the cheapest way to go about a Halloween costume without breaking the bank. I went with my usual, being a Zombie. 

The whole night took place in a school gym. The set up was a bunch of stationed games. Mine was to lay down on a blue tarp. Your partner had a stick with a line tied with a marshmallow on the end. Name of the game was to try and get the mallow into the kids mouth who was laying on the tarp. Then both kids switched. It seemed to be a hit for the whole night. Some kids particularly loved my Zombie costume. Some of them were a little freaked out. However, let's be fair. As compared to my normal look. I though I downplayed my costume. I even had two moms in the neighborhood comment on what I should do to be kid friendly. So nothing was exaggerated or so over done in gore I would have caused nightmares. This was not my goal. My whole existance for the convention was to be there for my nephew. 

Well, as usual, someone had to say something. A rather tall lady, maybe in her 30's walked up to me. Her costume in particular was an Angel. We're talking white gown, white wings, a halo and then to complete this... A pair of devil horns and a pitch fork.

She walks up to me and says, "Don't you think a Zombie is a little too scary for these kids."

In return I said, "Right and a Naughty Angel isn't dressing like a slut by any means." That's right I implied if you dress up as a Naughty Angel you might as well have dressed up as a slut. I mean, what will a Naughty Angel NOT do??

Needless to say I went from adult time with adults and children to high school in bitch-10 seconds. I felt it was worth it. I mean worth it enough the Naughty Angel caught my drift and never spoke to me the rest of the evening. Furthermore I was also asked by the Pack Leader to never come again. Let's recap, dressing like a Zombie, being told I maybe too scary for the kids and in return calling the Naughty Angel a slut kicked me out of more potential Boy Scout meetings. Yeah, if this isn't fucking Déjà Vu, I don't know what is.

Back when I was a kid I got kicked out because I may have told the kids at camp the bible maybe scientifically incorrect because it states in Genisis there's two great lights the sun and the moon. Obviously the moon is just reflecting sunlight. This and a food fight/ really fist fight with Vincent Mayes over the same subject caused me to never go to Boy Scouts.

Needless to say, I didn't get the memo when I was a kid maybe Boy Scouts are for people who need structure. Even as an adult I can still be told to never come back. Go figure. 

Womp womp

I'm no super spy. Nor have I ever met a spy at any moment in time. However, if I had I'm sure I unknowingly told them about the rational to my phobia of horses. The reason why a fish nearly destroyed my childhood and finally. And why Zoe has an immaculate reason for saying the wrong things at the wrong time.

On a ship the berthing is a high traffic area of sailors whom are getting up for work. And sailors who are about to turn in for the night in their racks. Obviously it's a dick move to try and get anything I may have forgotten without letting some outside light getting into the berthing. So like normal people I tried to sneak into my own berthing. Get to my rack and acquire my nit bag of dirty cloths to wash.

In the meantime I'm trying to be quiet, causious and determined to get this all done within an hours time. So I open the door which creeks to the slightest motion of the door knob and hinges.

Then trying to just open and close quick enough the immediate shipmates nearest to the door don't hear me is strategic move. 

When I get to my rack and the locker which is right next to everyone else's rack I can't help but be a little loud because again the idea of using WD-40 wasn't on my list of thugs to do. Using an aerosol in a confind space isn't a smart move. For example an Aviaonic technician legitimately though Lysol was an aerosol for the air. Lysol isn't for those reasons dum-dum.

Anyway, no matter the sneaky or spy like ways I feel I've innately accuired from James Bond. Yaknow the sterio typical scenes were a spy song is heard when a spy is spying. I have these moments in my head. I literally hum "Mission Impossible" or "James Bond Theme" to myself when I'm being sneaky. Contrary to popular belief when I'm really trying. I think about those song just in my head. As if my whole mind is just engulfed in THAT song alone. 

This time around, in my one cargo pocket in my flight deck pants my cell phone was actually playing the "James Bond Theme." As I'm trying to spy for my own shit in my rack. 

These are my first world problems. But the real ones are when I'm trying to turn off the music from my iPhone and the damn touch screen won't respond!!!

My Fish Story

My life happens to be random and strategic awkward moments. Many of them just happen to be far and few between and many of them happen because I think I can relate with other people and I later find out two things. 

1. I told everyone something which further pushes the fact I'm a fucking freak. And...

2. I had NOTHING to actually relate with.

Point and case, though I swear Diddly can account for more. It was an early breakfast and I heard three co-workers talking about things they did as kids. I also heard a couple of things their own kids are up to. 

This is when I had the bright idea to tell everyone about when I went fishing with my Dad. I thought because I caught the fish I would be able to keep it as a pet. The equivalent of Sea World in my own back yard.

Well, my Dad was tired from the fishing trip and left the fish in the ice box. I decided to dig a hole in the ground. Then I got MY fish and put it in the little pond I created. Feeling satisfied with giving my fish a new home. I began to go play other games. A few moments later and I check on my new fish pet. Instead of a happy fish in a mini pond. I found a fish near to death and flopping around.

I panicked and began to think I had to sadly end his life. So, I went into the kitchen and grabbed the first knif I could find. Then I went to the fish and began to muster the courage to end it's life. A couple of stabs with the knife later and the fish was still alive, I took the fish inside the house to go get my Dads help.

Now imagine waking up to a six year old with a knife, a fish, and covered in blood. 

Now imagine being 26 years old and telling other grown ass men the same story and hoping they could relate. 

Another weird dream

A huge monster with arms tied by black ropes covered in blood. It's eyes were blood shot. Humanoid in form but no real distinction of form. It's hair was thin, course, long and black. Being able to only see half it's body because te rest of it was in a pool of blood. It was thin, sickly as if it was a malnourished individual. It's skin was translucent enought to see vains and major arteries. Most obscure and threatening we're the claw shaped hands with blood dripping from it's talon nails. Furthermore in it's mouth were two men whom looked as though they had been chewed upon for some time. The first was Brutus and the other was Judas Iscariot.

Behind me were monsters whom chased after me. Like a form of cancer with legs and arms they moved in anyway they could. They defied gravity, time and space. They're attracted to light and scream like a banshee when provoked. Worst yet, any progression to any form of a truth I found about myself I realized they too changed in shape in what scared me the most. They hunt me down in my dreams wanting more. More truth. 

When I met Bill Cosby

I am sure I may or may not of had mentioned this back in October when I met Lor's family. But on a particular stop between Virginia and Michigan we had a stopin LaGuardia, New York. This particular stop we had an hour to kill between flights so what dose Lor and I want to do? Smoke.

Which means we have to go through TSA. Never a fun experience because I always feel like I'm going to be the random search. "Random" being the operative word we'll use.

Anyway, after a quick cigarette break, Lor and I went back through TSA and while we're both in separate lines I turned to her and said, "Hunny, you're the bomb."

Lor's reaction was priceless as she turns into the random search. So after I walk through the metal ditector, I turn to find Lor and her curly red hair is being picked through by TSA.

After my TSA shenanigans, Lor and I began to walk back to the gate which would have taken us to Michigan. On our way we found Bill Cosby!

Like normal I did a double take and realized who it was. And to explain Bill Cosby is realizing first he looks like everyone else. Nothing too special, he wore normal travel cloths. And he didn't have an entourage with him. Not a body guard was near him.

So we walked up and decided to introduce ourselves to him. Best part for me was being able to relate with him because I too went to Corpman school. I mentioned to him how the school is moving to San Antonio, TX. And it's a base with Airforce, Army and Marine Corps. I'll assume he thought it was a cool fact. Provided he too use to be a corpsman. Made it to second class petty officer and then got out.

Now don't get me wrong but Bill Cosby is a cool mother fucker to meet at any time or place and I would (under normal circumstances) have been more apt to spending the optimum time I could with him. However, Bill Cosby is the kind of guy where once he starts talking, everyone has to listen. There's no stopping Bill Cosby because he has something to say and he'll say it. Meanwhile, normal people who just happen to run into him have places to go, especially when it's the airport. However Bill Cosby was done with his traveling and I was just in the middle of where I was trying to go. So, in the most cuthful way I could muster. I said to Bill Cosby it was great to meet you but I have to catch my flight. I shook his hand and left for my flight. 

Karma got my ass later with delaying my flight on the Tarmac for two hours and not launching at all. Then a couple of hours later Lor and I found a flight which was an honest whim to get us out of LaGuardia, New York. 

Irrational fears.

Does anyone remember when Al Roker said he shat himself in the White House and how imbatased he felt about the whole thing? Punctuated by the epiphany of realizing he was then a fat ass and decided to go on a diet for once. 

Probably the worst way to ever start a post. However their is some (no pun intended) weight behind the whole thing.

Everyone in elementary has an understanding to go to the potty when they have to go. Me, I felt an irrational fear to use the schools potty. The irrational fear started one day when I heard screaming and yelling coming out of the boys restroom. I recall for some reason now, a fear of a green alien monster which traveled through toilets and would kidnap little kids. To any rational child with an imagination like this would rather just hold it in till they got home. I kept myself on a rather good schedule of using the potty too till one day I really needed to use the restroom. But because of this fear in first grade I never went to the restroom till about fifth grade.

Another irrational fear was when my Uncle Dean told me alligators lived under the boat shed. Fair enough, for a young child it made sense. So every evening while Zack and our cousins would play tag. Or have fun out in the aker of land our grandparents owned. Uncle Dean would call us kids in because the sun was setting. Allegedly alligators roam the backyard only at night.

One night I told my uncle who just called us kids in for the night to go out and shoot an alligator. We he walks out to the yard with his hand gun and fires to the ground. I'm freaking out. It was the first time ever hearing a gun shot. And he told me he would make gator skin for me. I thought it would be cool to have something to hang on the wall. What kid could say, "I have alligator skin on my wall" in the third grade?

Years later, some common sense which wasn't common to me then set in. Alligators don't live in Washington state. Go figure, but at the time it was a normal irrational fear. 

Choice

Making life choices sucks! But it's what every adult has to do. We're pretty good at making the obvious choices. Like what to wear, making it to work on time. And even making the right judgement on friends. But what about those other choices. The ones we want to avoid.

The hardest choices is what to do when a chapter of life is about to close. About, being the operative word because it's not like it has to end. Sometimes we run into moments in our life where the chapter is just about to continue. I believe these are truly the hardest for normal people. It's the possibility of uncertainty from all angles of life. Will I provide for my family? Will I have a job? Will I succeed in my next job? Will I be fired or let go? These are all things which zephyr through the mind in milliseconds. Though it's easier to formulate the questions it's not as easy to answer them. Which probably sucks the most from the whole thing.

So, what is the answer? Do we continue on or let go and begin a new adventure?

I love....

I love the way her green eyes look at me and I can tell she's in love with me.

I love when her nose wrinkles up when she's being mischievous.

I love her curly red hair. 

I love it when we watch movies and she cries at the tear jerker moments. Just so I can wipe them away for her. 

I love when she sings at karaoke and takes everyone's breath away. 

I love her taste in art, music, culture and sense of adventure.

I love it when she relies on me to be her strength. 

I love her infectious laugh. 

I love her soft hand thoching mine at any time of the day. 

I love her choice in pets! 

I love her patience with me. I know I can be stubbern.

I love supporting her dreams. 

I love how she keeps me warm and I'm the chill one in bed.

I love Lauren.

I'm Getting Married!

So this last week among a lot of things to get done before I close out yet again another year of disappearing for months on end. Never really posting anything dramatic, hyperbolic and hilarious to my angst. In short my weekend last week sucked major balls.

However, I got to get back in touch with my pen-pal from high school. Her name is Salma. She and I use to write letter to one another back when we met on Mybook and then did a little Faceplacing. However, something happened between Faceplace and now. We both dropped off the planet and then through LinkedIn we found each other. And the best part if anything is the fact we both picked up where we left off. I also think it's rather splendid when I told my friends at work and they were amazed at the archaic idea of having a pen-pal. Which to me was amazing. Because it's not often you make friends with someone from a different walk of life, and different country or culture.
To me, Salma and I are best of friends though we've never talked on the phone, or texted each other before. Till now when we drop a line or two on the WhatsApp. I've always had this idea our pen-pal meet up will go down like the scene in Julie&Julia where Julia meets her pen-pal at the train station and there's a tear or two from both of them, and there's a hug, and stuff like that.

Provided last week we got snowed in by six feet. It was a nice two days of staying home, being warm and just relaxing. I worked on my theremin and upgraded my violin to a proper students violin. Which I will say is a major purchase on my part. However, nothing would prep me for another major purchase.

About three weeks ago Lor and I were walking in the mall. Next, I find myself in a jeweler looking at rings with Lor. Guys, if you haven't done this, I'll give you a heads up. It's not just ONE store... It's five stores later and many different rings. Eventually, we found a carrot cut Leo solitaire with a 21 diamond studded band. Which is an amazing love child ring from two separate rings Lor told me she really loved. Well, week one after seeing what she wanted I asked her if she really wanted the ring. Week two and she told me she really really loved the ring(s) we found. Then, week three, I bought the ring.
Diddly at the time was working day shift. In the perfect world I would have had him come with me to purchase the ring and pick it up. However, I had to settle with him coming along to pick it up. The same night I called her father and asked for his blessing. Well, her father wanted to talk to me on Skype. Which is cool. But we couldn't make the App work for either of us. Eventually, I'm calling him to ask for his blessing. Which he gave to me.

The same night, Bruce, Amanda, Lor and I went to a bar and grill called Woody. When we were seated Lor said out loud, here's my ideal... It has to be public, romantic and spontaneous. Well, halfway through the night Bruce had arranged it with the bar tender and then I told him it wasn't going to happen today. Fast forward to eleven forty-five, the band was done with half their set. I'm going to guess Lor knew I wasn't comfortable with doing it at the bar and grill. However, at spear of the moment I excused myself from the table. Passing Amanda, seated to Lor's right, and b-lined it for the vocalist lady. I said to her, "Can I borrow your hand mic?" She didn't understand what I was saying till about the fourth time through and then she walked me to the stage and gave me the mic. I said on stage,
"Hello, everyone in Woody's!" Everyone looks at me... I'm panicking a little.
"There's a lovely woman here tonight named Lauren A. Walendowski..." Some douche bag shouted out his girlfriends name too... I got a little more nervous....
"I got one question for her... (I drop to one knee on the stage and pull out the ring from my pocket) Will you marry me?"
Now, I can see her. At this point everyone is silent and trying to figure out where Lauren is. I'm looking straight at her. She's in tears, and shaking her head yes... She ran to the stage and said yes quietly. I put the mic right up to her mouth and had her say it again. The explosion of 30+ people cheering for the two of us was EPIC! It was in front of people, it was as romantic as I could make it, and it was spontaneous.
Then it was shots all night through... I counted five for myself and eight for her. Then, about ten minutes later Jaz and a couple of other guys from work walked in and sat at the table right behind us. Now, Lor knows I work with these people and thought I arranged this. Honest to God, it was fluke. But none the less, all night through I got congratulated, I got shots... Lor got congratulated, shots, and of course showed off the ring to everyone. Phew....

Well we settled on a date, 30 October 2015. We figured a fall date would be pretty, there's a holiday right after which we all can participate in. AND, it wont be some random date like 25 August.... (No offense if your anniversary is the 25 of August.) But seriously, a date next to a major holiday is idea for Lor and I. Especially Halloween. 

Running Late and the HULK

Today I ran into a moment with dragging up a short hyperbole of life. It covers a phobia which I have already slightly covered in a prior post.

I was in the third grade and had a rather long day for an eight year old. Early in the morning was about four o'clock to be ready at six... I was in charge of my brother and myself to wake up. However, sometimes Zoe would wake me up just a little early because she too would be awake and helping with making our breakfast, lunch and of course she would watch some morning cartoons. Around eight or nine would be our bed time.
One morning, Zoe must have had a drink... Or two... Point is, she decided to play a prank on myself because at the time; we must understand. The parental unit would know full well when functions at school were happening. Be it a Christmas show, a play, a concert and many other things. I would tell her well before hand when functions at school were happening, however, she would be half an hour to an hour late. It was her mindset the show wouldn't start without her. As a child and even as an adult I learned to be punctual and never late for anything important. Back to Zoe.
She woke me up and said, "Chris, Chris, you're late for school! Wake up!" I jumped out of my bed and scrambled my cloths and began waking up my little brother. Zoe is laughing a little. Then I ran into the bathroom and began cleaning my face, and then ran into the kitchen. No breakfast was made... No lunch. Then I looked at the time. In a split moment of delirium I noticed the time was midnight. However, I couldn't think anything was out of the ordinary. Zoe is now histaricaly laughing. It's not till the moment when Zoe is ridiculously laughing to my expense she told me she purposely woke me up early. I didn't understand for a moment and slowly realizing. I finally began to cry. Needless to say I think at this point my phobia began to manifest. Since then, I've never personally been late for any appointments. Not without exterior reasons causing me to be late i.e. traffic, or worst case scenarios.

Yesterday, being a snow day for my job. Lor still had to go to work. So, I set my alarm and went to her place to clean off her car and get her ready for work. Ya'know, breakfast, and handle some of her house chores while she's at work. While I have breakfast rolling, and I'm bundled up trying to scrape off whatever amount of snow and ice was on the car. The windows were good to go, then I got to the driver door. I scrapped off what little ice was on the seem of the door. Then I began to open the door. Pressure, counter pressure, the works. Just to try and open the door without setting off the alarm. Well, a couple of yanks on the door and the door handle came right off!

First thing, I was shocked on just the idea I pulled off a fucking door handle.

Second, I shat my paints trying to come up with some way to tell Lor I fucked up her door. 

I walked into the apartment and said in an hesitant voice, "Lor, I don't be upset." She said, "What happened, lover?" I hold up the small pathetic plastic of a door handle and said, "I broke your car." Lor began to laugh a little. I was still unsure weather or not this would escalate. Ya'know those weird moments of someone laughing at you and you don't know if that's the same way to respond. Well, this was one of those moments. The only thing I had left to say, "I didn't know I went Incredible Hulk on your car!?"
Well, a quick phone call to her boss and then to the repair guy. In a flash we both were able to drive her car and my truck to the mechanic and drop her car off. After, I took Lor to her job.
The next morning I woke up to a ten o'clock phone from the mechanic telling me they fixed the car. Another ring fifteen past I got a phone from the bank about my new checking card. Two hours later, my actual alarm went off. Around one I was dressed and ready for work and to get Lor's car. Picked her up and rushed down the block for her car. When we got into the shop, the mechanic said,
"Well, Mr. G. the car is fixed and next time. Never go full retard."

Added to the beginning to all of this, I also broke Lor's travel cup she used for work. Then that same evening broke a drinking picture which fell from the top of the refrigerator. Furthermore, I broke a dresser Lor replaced for me when it broke after moving into my new apartment... In case you all didn't know, I'm the Hulk. 

Plagued Phone Call

Today I'd like to talk about a phone number which has plagued my life for the last three years. It's a "local" phone number from Washington state. I've been living in Virginia State for two years! By the way, it's not that I haven't told this person, people, whoever; they have the wrong number but it started like this.

Florida, Pensacola I was on a friends boat and got drunk... Then I 'accidentally' threw my phone which was in my swimming trunks into the Gulf of Mexico. After realizing my pimp phone (also known as the Blackberry Torch) was water damaged I used a crack phone (go phone) with the same sim card. So, AT&T didn't know I fucked up my epic phone and I only had to pocket out $50 for the accident. This is when the phone calls began.

First off it's was a 360 number which I thought was my family. They live in Washington. I figured it was a new number, they were just updating my contacts. NOPE! A woman's voice I've never heard is on the line, "Heeelo, is this Neko?"
... I'm not a smart cookie, however I know from my linguistics class Neko meant the word Cat in Japanese. DING! I have an idea of the persons culture. However what really got me wondering, 'who the fuck is named Cat!?' I mean legitamently named Cat. In Japanese Cat means Cat. It's not short for Katherine or anything... They don't do it like us English folk....
Well like a normal sensible human being I told the person they had the wrong number. And I wished them a good day. I hung up. Three months later, I got a phone call from the same person asking for Neko again. Sorry, you got the wrong number.
A year later and I'm back in the states after my first tour and I get another phone call. Different person asking for the same name, Neko.... WHO IS NEKO!? Again, told them it was the wrong number... Hung up and then again some time later got another phone call. And you (the reader) must be wondering why I haven't put this number on block. I actually don't know how to block a phone number. Though I'm bitching about this caller. You have to understand, the call happens once in a great while. And I'm not phone savvy enough to operate my iPhone.

Fallon, Nevada and I get the phone call. However at this point I've taken the liberty to save the phone number as my contacts. And aptly named the contact Do Not Answer. Well, Neko calls and I hand the phone to Chief. He answers the phone and puts it on speaker phone. 

"Hey, is Neko there?"

"No, who are you?" Says Chief

"I'm Hachioji." I'm thinking, shit at least we finally got a name.... Phew...

"Where are you?" Asked Chief, I'm at this point questioning his tactic. 

"I don't know, where are you?"

"I'm at the Banque. Where are you?" 

"I'm not there but I will in 30 minutes."

"Okay see you then." Said Chief. He hangs up and they hadn't called till about late November.

At this point I still have the damn phone number in my contacts and have it listed as "Do Not Answer/ Neko." And I still to this damn day answer it ONCE in a great while to see who's on the other side of the phone. In essence I'll go on record to say it's a plagued phone number which adds a slight spice into my life. I never phone this phone number before and I seriously don't know who the fuck it is. However, I'll go on record to say, if it's a phone number which I actually DO know the person on the other side and this has been a prank. Good show, good show... We've unknowingly kept a good prank going between the both of us. 

Poetry and a Short.

FISH STICK
You're a fucking dick.
You at my fish stick!
I really wanted that fish stick, you douche!

- Okay, weird haiku... Again, not a writer... Time for a story.

Bill the Toad
Once upon a time there was a happy toad named Bill.
Bill had heard a weird noise and hopped across his tank to investigate.
Turned out it was his man slave making coffee early in the morning.
Bill was hungry too and found a cricket named Nick.
"Morning Bill." Said Nick.
Then suddenly Bill ate Nick and hopped away.
And the moral to the story; Coffee is awesome first thing in the morning.
The End.

Christmas in V.A.

What I've found out in the past month is the fact someone can have 22 friends (and growing) related to you on Facebook. What kick starts me a little is when I know I don't like a person. They probably don't like me either and neither of us have sent a friend request to either one of us. However Mark Z. REALLY wants us to friend each other. Instead I found in conclusion it's like saying Fuck You from afar without really saying it. The best part is when it's co-workers or people who've worked with me in the past... Etc. Talk about using the most epic passive aggressive technic.

So I went on a fishing trip once again. My second one this year. Low and behold like clockwork some of the guys get really aggravated easily. I attribute it to them not getting laid. Me on the other hand have to deal with paperwork, paperwork and more paperwork. However it wasn't but three weeks in and I ran my head into a door jam and caused myself to have three staples in my head. I'm kinda getting ahead of myself though... 

There's this new guy at work we've named Junior. We nicknamed him Junior for two reasons. First, he's all of 18 years old and second he kinda looks like RayRay. So, it kinda fits him to be Junior. Well, third week in and I gave him the holly gouge Jaz and I wrote within the past two years and told him to always use it. Well, like a new trained pup, first thing he did when he didn't know how to do anything he went right for his gouge book! I was seated by the door and because I got excited over training him I jumped right into the door jam. Everyone heard a huge bang. I didn't put anything past the knock to the head till Mr. Star noticed I was bleeding. After realizing this I was quickly seated and had paper towels on my head. Then it was a short walk down to medical. Four flights later I thought it would be hilarious to make a joke. So I walk in and said, "Is it 1942!?" Not a lot of the younger guys knew what I was eluding to... However for those who could guess, yes it was December 7th. Well, that joke was about as funny as an abortion joke.

Two Corpsman tended to my dumb ass moment. Immediately they began to shave my head and then this kid all of 19 years old asked, "stitches or staples?" Knowing staples would have been quicker I said, "Staples for 500, Alex." No more than 5 minutes this kid grabs both sides of flesh to the wound, holding a staple gun in the other hand he said to me, "You're the third person I've ever stapled!" Me in all my sarcasm said, "Oh lucky me..." Not! He clipped my head three times. Needless to say, Chief showed up to medical and first thing he said, "What the fuck, you ran into a door jam!?"

A week later the staples came out. However, I had a week of staple jokes. Example being RayRay said, "I left you and Junior in the office; I come back to you with staples in your head!? It's like coming home to your children burning down the house!" Ian on the other hand took foam and taped it in the exact spot I slammed my head. Har-har-har, hilarious.  

I've been home for the most part and have spent everyday with Lor. If not every moment I can. However, I was gone for half the month I had some serious Xmas shopping to do. But essentially after 3 days I finally figured it out. 
Our Anniversary, the 22nd, was spent going to the movies and watching a new Disney movie Frozen. Before I had Lor open a book I made which has 22 pages of pictures and simple affirmations. i.e. "I love how much Lor is accomplished in life." The book also had little stick figures too. ^_^ My M.S. Paint skills are AWESOME and totally paid off, thanks mom and dad. Let me just say, Disney finally did a cartoon which wasn't to cheese and didn't have any ridiculous sappy moments. For me it felt like a return to form for what would be considered a classical Disney movie with the animation of today. Thank God. Lor and I saw the movie in 3D and I wouldn't imagine the movie to have the same visual effect in 2D. In short, very pleased with this movie.
The next day was Lor's birthday! (Side conversation) Yes, I asked to court her the day before her birthday... What was I thinking!? Oh, I don't know, something to the effect of: "Amazing woman, very funny, and easy on my eyes." (Back to our scheduled blog) Well, our friend Bruce came over and kidnapped her while I went ape shit on decorating the house. I went to the party store and saw Hello Kitty next to Barbie and decided her theme was going to be Hello EVERYTHING! Meanwhile, I had gotten ahold of Jess and she got me a recipe for a Vegan Carrot Cake. For the most part because I've never made a scratch cake, I went through two batches which didn't turn out at all. First reason, I put 1/4 cup of baking powder into the mix. The second batch didn't survive because I fucked up the amount of apple sauce. By the time I got to the third batch I didn't measure anything.... Low and behold it turned out. However I should have crushed the walnuts a lot more than just half. How was I to know??? 

Xmas! The night prior I had to work from 8pm to 8am. So I got home and Lor woke up. This pretty much meant Xmas was a go! She opened up all her presents and received a Mandolin, a complete bed set, bath and body work stuff, a 30 min Meal Cook Book and a Pandora necklace. Myself, I got a signed autograph of Elvira Mistress of the Dark and an amazing instrument not a lot of people know called a Theremin. Along with many other gifts as well...

This new year Lor told me she wanted to do a month of eating Vegetarian. Which we both began very eager to start. First meal was a Zucchini Keesh which was a beautiful a fun recipe to make. The following day was a Vegetarian Lasagna, not only slightly difficult but a bother to make and wasn't as satisfying. Probably because of the lack of feeling like I actually ate a lasagna. I know there's many different variations of a recipe. And it may take some time to figure it all out. However, it's fun to figure out what new foods or combinations of food tastes good and what doesn't satisfy.

I guess at this point I should feel inclined to reflect on the positive and negatives of last year.... However, I'll go on to point out this year for 2014 I began with realizing how engulfed I am in Lor's life. And I also created a new friend named Lill Salt. I couldn't be more happier.